Sorry it's been quite a few days since my last post. It's been the hectic activities of the end of the holidays and getting back to school. We've had the usual run of things to do for the return to school - new stationery, new shoes (almost £300 on shoes alone - I blanched somewhat!), new bags etc. But we've also had another family day out planned to a local theme park.
My youngest had seen the advert on TV and begged me to take her, and I reluctantly agreed. I then checked the prices (note to self, check cost before saying yes to anything, even if the asker does have big, beautiful eyes!). Granted it was rather cheaper than other larger theme parks, but still at nearly £140, plus petrol and dog care, it was one very expensive day out.
It was planned for last Wednesday. Time was booked off work, dog sitter organised, I managed to sleep. Then my youngest woke with a temperature that had been lingering since the butterfly trip on Monday. It was a very hot day and we made the reluctant decision to postpone until Friday. We rearranged work, we rearranged the dog sitter.
Thursday night I was tired and headachey, so cancelled a planned prayer meet with a friend. We made another picnic. We got everything ready. We dosed up our youngest with paracetamol to ensure a good night's sleep temperature free. We prayed. I went to bed early. All looked great, until ....
1 a.m. ...., 2 a.m. ...., 3, 4, 5 a.m. .... and still no sleep. I prayed. I soaked in His presence. I was desperate. And nothing happened except what felt like a constant stream of adrenalin pouring through my veins. I tell you, I've only had a couple of night's of no sleep. I can totally understand why someone with Michael Jackson's means sought the pharmaceutical help that he did, sadly with such tragic consequences. He must have been desperate.
At 5.15 a.m. I got up, had breakfast and started the ironing. My youngest duly appeared and still had a temperature, so we couldn't have gone anyway, but my frustration levels were high, as was my disappointment. Then followed a morning of stressy texts and calls from people about various issues, and a lingering migraine left over from the night before. The devil knows how to kick you when you're down.
So, we rearranged yet again for Sunday. And praise God we actually managed it. I must confess that Saturday night the same thing started to happen - doing all the right things, but no sleep. So at 2.30 a.m. I got up and searched out some medication I'd been given when I was really unwell a year ago. I hate taking it as it can affect my body quite a lot, and not always in a good way. But I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me to take it, and prayed God's blessing on it and not only did it help me sleep, but I felt well enough to enjoy our day out and it kept me going, with only a slight come down yesterday.
The children thankfully had no temperatures, although by now my eldest felt a bit off colour : ( But we all enjoyed it, even my poor husband who had to go on lots of ghastly rides twice, as I refused on health grounds, so he went on with each of the youngest, one after another. He looked a little green tinged after the first ride twice in a row, but he steadily acclimatised!
Do I know why I have had such a struggle to go on such simple days out, or why I've been so ill, or why the devil robs me of sleep when I need it most? No, I do not. But I do believe he comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10), and he has managed a lot of that in my life.
I've been robbed of my childhood, I've been robbed of stability and love growing up, I've been robbed of joy and peace, of health, happiness and prosperity. I am now consistently being robbed of sleep. I've been robbed, robbed, robbed. Like Gandalf thrusting his staff to the ground and saying 'You shall not pass!' in Lord of the Rings, and like the Lord saying to the waves of the sea 'This far you may come, and no farther' (Job 38: 11), I feel the Spirit rising up within. It is no good simply being able to 'make it through' days out and social events and life - things that are supposed to be enjoyable - by taking pharmaceuticals, and living in fear of the next day trip or cancellation. This has to change.
I am convinced by what I have read in the Bible, and other Christian books and teaching materials that: God loves me and He wants to prosper me and my family in every way. The flip side of the devil coming to steal, kill and destroy, is that Jesus comes that we might have life, and life in all its abundance and to the full (John 10: 10)!
If for no other reason than to help others and show them there is a way through the mess to 'the Promised Land' I am committed to write this blog, search out answers and make it to the other side. I know life will never be problem free - I am not seeking to achieve that. But I am seeking health, financial freedom and the joy of living out God's plans for me and seeing the same happen in my family, my friends and beyond. It is possible. I will get there.
I am going to spend the rest of this week seeking God about how to start tackling things and what to tackle first, and then share with you all over the weekend the God-inspired plan of action. And then let's see His wondrous plan start to unfold ....
I hope you will join me on this journey. I plan to do a Facebook page soon, and perhaps even start on Twitter. Feel free to drop me a line direct to the email at the top of the page, comment on any posts or click 'follow' if you want regular updates sent direct. I'd love to hear from you. And if you're struggling too, in any way at all, know that God loves you, He knows all about you (and He still loves you more than you can imagine) and He has a plan for your rescue, and I'm praying that you find all three to be true in your circumstances and life. God bless : )
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