As promised in my last post, I have spent the rest of the week spending time with God, seeking His wisdom, praying and reading the Bible with a view to finding out how to proceed.
I had reached a point where I was thoroughly fed up with being ill and was ready to fight back, to turn the tide on constant ill health. I knew the only way to gain wisdom was to seek God about it. I think after several years of chronic ill health and many years before that of generally quite poor health, I have conclusively proved that I am unable to fix myself! But I am fed up of being 'the weak one' or 'the unreliable person who is always ill'. Honestly I used to, many years ago, enjoy the attention and rest that ill health afforded me. I am appalled to think that now. But these days I am thoroughly over it. I want to be well, not just for me but for my family too, and to be busy about the Lord's business, making a good impact on the world.
Yet again the devil decided to have a go and surpise!, surprise!, I have been unwell again. In fairness the virus that my children had been passing around hit me too. It came at the same time as my monthly period, which has always caused me problems and pain, so it was a double whammy. I was in a lot of pain and felt really very unwell at times. But it also meant that I was unable to work as planned and was therefore able to spend a little more time sitting with God and listening, something that a busy life often crowds out. Obviously God didn't orchestrate the illness, but He was able to use it for my good.
Throughout my illness I would seem to hit a point where something had to give as it was so awful, I would pray and pray with friends, then the Lord would highlight something from the past, often associated with the abuse I suffered as a child, for healing. Things would be prayed through, God would move, and I would noticeably go up a level. This has been going on for sometime, so I was suspicious that as I seemed to have hit another road block, there was yet more to uncover. I asked God this week to give me wisdom as to how to make headway.
God often speaks to me in dreams and visions. This sounds very fancy, but it is not. Dreams and visions and pictures are ways that God can speak to anyone. I sometimes wonder if He likes to speak to me this way as when I am asleep I am at least quiet and receptive! A few days ago He blessed me with another dream.
In the dream I found myself back at my old house, where I had grown up. It was very real. I was not happy to be there, but then within the dream I was able to reason with myself and say 'Hang on, this is not a dream - it's a vision! Let's see what happens.' Once I knew it wasn't real I felt safe to allow things to unfold.
I will not go into exactly what happened, as God often speaks through imagery and things don't always mean exactly what they appear to on first glance. But I felt the Lord speak to me very clearly that I was to start walking more in the ways of the Spirit and to stop 'sowing to the flesh'.
Simply put, this means that every time you want to do something, have a little think about whether you're feeding your body's appetites, or doing what God wants you to do. Sometimes for example I want to stay up late, eat some chocolate or junk food or lie in bed instead of get up. Now God wants us to enjoy life, but my body is clearly a little sensitive right now and I probably need to be a bit more disciplined about what I eat and drink and how I live. I also need to be more disciplined about what I say and what I think. The Bible clearly teaches that there is great power in both what we speak out and what we think ('As a man thinks in his heart, so is he' Proverbs 23:7 KJV) and if I'm honest I'm not always in line with God in either department!
Feeding the flesh can be as simple as eating too much chocolate, it can also obviously be something far worse. But overall I felt the Lord say that I needed to exercise more self control.
Two key scriptures about this have been:
"A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature (the flesh), from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." Galations 6: 7, 8 NIV
"A person without self-control is like a city with broken down walls." Proverbs 25: 28 NLT
I have been living for God. But I must also confess that there have been times when I have used how illness has made me feel as an excuse for bad behaviour. It makes me cranky with the kids and my husband. I have used it as an excuse for laying in bed. I have used it as an excuse for using some four letter swear words. I have used it as an excuse to satisfy my flesh and live without self-control, because I have felt I 'deserved' a treat, even if it wasn't good for me. I have also been quite self-pitying at times.
But the time has come for a focus on living with integrity and Godliness daily, in the little things as well as the large. It is time to stop allowing the devil to come in and swoop over my city walls and attack, simply because I have not exercised self-control. I don't imagine it will be easy, but I intend to try, and to let you know how I get along.
And this is just tackling illness! I know self-control will help on the money front, but we still have enormous debts that need dealing with, that need a miracle. Not to mention issues going on with the kids and the relatives that refuse to talk to us, largely because we are Christians!
If you want any further information regarding the issues mentioned above, please feel free to get in touch. But I also recommend Joyce Meyer and any of her teachings. She has a free magazine you can sign up for, as well as lots of other teaching materials. And no, I am not related and I don't get paid for advertising her wares! I've just received a lot of help from her teachings along the way.
Be blessed : ) Watch this space for more soon ....
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