Butterflies!

Well if you've read any of my earlier posts, you will know that I've been trying to make it to a butterfly house locally, but continuing ill health has been preventing me. I tried last week with my family, but the night before had one of the worst night's of my life and wasn't able. So we planned to try again on Monday.

The night before I must confess to being a little anxious. After telling the children and organising a dog sitter, and after having already cancelled once, I felt more than a little pressure to 'perform' and be well enough to go. But I realised it was out of my hands. I did all I could do to ensure a good night's sleep and feeling well, but in the end all I could do was hold my hands up and say, 'God, this is out of my hands. Over to you.'

And praise God I slept reasonably well. Phew!

We had a really enjoyable day. I managed to travel well in the car on the way there (travelling often makes me feel unwell and exacerbates symptoms), which helped. Once there we had a quick picnic lunch in the car, during which symptoms returned quite badly and I had to mentally fight it off. Later on in the afternoon I had another episode of feeling dreadfully unwell and had to breathe through it again and pray. In addition my youngest, who is hardly ever ill, developed a temperature and felt poorly. Once again I just had to hand it all over to God. I have realised I can do things to help myself, but this illness is not something I can fix. Thankfully once again he stepped in and the symptoms abated sufficiently for me to really enjoy the rest of the day, although by now quite tired. My youngest also quickly improved after a dose of paracetamol.

But it was a long held goal that I had finally reached; it was a milestone. So many goals, hopes and dreams seem to have been swallowed up in ill health and recovery from abuse. So much seems to have been stolen from me and my family as a result. It feels at times that the devil has come right in and stomped all over my life, in an effort to eradicate me and I lie amongst the rubble. But praise God, I have hope.

Recently God gave me this scripture as His promise to me, His banner over me:
'Instead of your [former] shame you shall have a twofold recompense; instead of dishonour and reproach [your people] shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double [what they had forfeited]; everlasting joy shall be theirs ... All who see them [in their prosperity] will recognise and acknowledge that they are the people whom the Lord has blessed.' Isaiah 61: 7, 9 (b) The Amplified Bible

I managed to take some pictures in the butterfly house:

The picture of the blue butterfly is blurred, I know, but it would not sit still and be photographed, so I had to put my camera on sports mode and try to follow it around as it flew! It is a Blue Morpho butterfly.

This one is particularly significant for me, as for my 40th birthday, after years of deliberation and prayer, I decided to get a tattoo. Now please don't think I necessarily think tattoos are a great idea, but for me I wanted something actually on me, something that could not be removed, that showed I belonged to God and told my story. Who knows, one day when I pass away, it may even speak to the funeral director of God's love.

I got the tattoo (from a highly recommended tattooist!) whilst still feeling dreadfully unwell, as a sign of hope of a better future and God's promises being revealed in my life. It is of a Blue Morpho butterfly and a Bible verse. Blue often represents heaven, and the butterfly signifies the changes He's making in me, from ugly caterpillar, to a beautiful butterfly who can fly free. The scripture is Psalm 118: 5 :

'In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and He answered by setting me free.'

May it be true for us all. And may many more of our hopes, goals and dreams be answered and attained as we press on with Him.