Dancing in the Dark

Well, after previous posts about how ill my husband and son have been lately I am pleased to be able to say that both are recovering incredibly well.

I was at home all last week to look after my son after his operation, so it was my husband's first week back at work full-time, and by himself too. But praise God apart from some aches and pains which have responded to prayer, he has been well. My son also continues to recover really well - wounds are healing nicely and aches and pains have subsided. The task now is to get his energy levels back up, as after two weeks of not doing too much he is flagging when he tries anything 'normal', like walking the dog around the block. But he will get there.

Me, I was so pleased to have a week 'off' - a week at home anyway. I was thoroughly exhausted after all the hospital visits, and left feeling lethargic and with profound nausea. Each day the nausea has subsided a little more (with a slight hiccup yesterday after eating some Camembert cheese, which my body didn't seem to happy with, although it was yummy at the time), but so far I have lost about a stone (14 pounds) in weight! Not a recommended weight loss diet, and trust me, I am so over nausea now, but I trust it will get better.

However, when the infirmities have improved, the devil decided to start having a go in another way. Things kicked off with my eldest daughter and her crazy boyfriend again. We had thought things were going reasonably well with her and she seemed almost pleasant at times, but then last weekend she announced that actually she still only liked her older brother, she tolerated (at times) her younger brother and sister, and although she loved my husband and I (because she 'had to'), she most certainly did not like us.

She also declared that on her 16th birthday, which is just before Christmas, she is planning to leave home to go and live with him. That would of course give us just about the worst Christmas we have ever had.

Now I suffer with the initial shock when these things are said, but then God seems to fill me with some astounding ability to calm down, look at it objectively and become aware of a deep inner peace and a knowledge that God is in this, that in the long term, no matter how long it takes, everything will be OK. That is God at work in me. It is not because I am somehow special, but because He is loving and because of all the work He's done in me over many, many years (I was such a complete mess years ago - He had to change me, and works on me still : ) ).

But my poor husband suffers so much when she is so hateful. Last Sunday was Father's Day here, but instead of it being a celebration, he was heartbroken. He feels he has lost her and he's been an awful Dad, which is simply not true. But the devil is assailing his mind with lies.

I had to step in when I overheard my husband having a conversation with my daughter in the kitchen. He still believes that if only he could say the right thing he might change her mind, so he was trying really hard to say 'the right thing'. He was sobbing, bless him. There is hardly a more pitiful sound than a lovely, grown man sobbing. I don't mean crying, or shedding a tear, I mean full on, heartbreaking sobbing. It was awful. So I went in and threatened to remove him if he didn't stop upsetting himself.

It was going to be a Father's Day we would always remember for all the wrong reasons. But then over lunch we turned on God TV and Wendy Alec was giving a word about dancing before Father God, even when all seems lost. She spoke about how if we can do that, even if we are heartbroken, that it sends a signal to the enemy to remind him he is defeated.

Then God reassured us through her that those lost dreams, hopes and visions that seem forgotten, those things that cause us such pain, those difficulties that have so wearied us, will all be OK. God is on the case! He has not forgotten us! The dreams will be realised!

It touched my heart because of the belief that God has spoken certain things to me over the years, and even now, some of them 20 years old or older, they all seem impossible and dormant. Yet my spirit leaps and knows that they are around the corner, that they will come to pass.

And my dear husband, who has suffered so much over the years and suffers now terribly with my daughter, was so touched by the Holy Spirit as he heard those words of hope, that tears, Holy Spirit, gentle tears, rolled down his cheeks. It was the rubbish coming out and an overflow of God touching his heart.

I pray that next year on Father's Day we shall look back and remember this year's - not because of the heartbreak, but because it was a turning point.

I choose to believe God's promises over our circumstances and over the weariness of the struggle and the lies of the enemy. That's why I'm choosing to be found 'dancing in the dark'.

As a great Fall Out Boy song says:

"The war is won, before it's begun. Release the doves, surrender now." God has already won, even though it may not seem that way at the moment.

As if to confirm His promise to us of His love, an abundance and of us being brought out into a broad place after such a place of squeezing, this arrived on our doorstep today:

An amazing gift of food and household items from a church, to bless us as they knew we had had a tough time!

We were overwhelmed by this kindness. And a few weeks ago as folk knew our income was down throughout my husband's illness as we're self-employed, £100 was dropped through our door! It is practical love like this, as well as the prayer and emotional support we get from our church family, that shows that God is alive and well today. People are so often the hands and feet of Jesus and these works stand alongside the unexplainable acts we class as miracles - they are just as miraculous!

This week my older brother who lives in Australia is visiting with one of his children. I haven't seen him in nearly 10 years, and never met my nephew. My brother can be very challenging indeed, and certain things about him that are difficult to get your head around have been revealed since his last visit, so I am rather nervous. But yet hopeful, and assured that God is with me and as always will hold my hand, even if it's tricky.

I pray that this week you will know God's presence too and will be blessed : )

I'll finish with some more photos of my bonkers garden:

Another 'triple' flower - a trinity of Narcissus!

A bit muched by slugs this one, but still brings me great hope of an abundance to come.

A supposed 'double' tulip, but so much more than that, and in June too!

A spider lily. There are four on one stem - what a bonkers flower!

The delicate beauty of an alium.