Earlier this year we had stepped out in faith and booked a holiday. At the time the amount would be sort of do-able if we put money aside each week, which is hard when many customers don't pay you on time. However since then, so many things have gone wrong or broken, usually on our very old cars, and our holiday budget went out the window. So we have been working long, hard hours.
The two weeks leading up to it all, I had had the flu or sinusitis and felt really rough. In addition my Vitamin D had become very low again, adding to the constant nausea (which makes it hard to eat anything), overwhelming lethargy and generally feeling grotty. I tried to work through it, but the Thursday and Friday of my husband's injury on the Friday, I had spent much of the time in bed feeling pretty grotty.
The previous weekend and weeks prior there had been a general feeling of tenseness and strife in our house, with a lot of bickering and arguing going on. So much so in fact that I texted a few of our friends that we pray with to ask for prayer as I felt we were under a specific attack or assignment from the devil. It sounds quite extreme, but as a Christian I believe the spiritual realm is as real as the world we live in, and angels and demons are organised like armies (as described in the Bible). As such they can have specific assignments for attack or defence, just like a regular army.
Within an hour of sending that text one of the people we share school lifts with, that we normally get on very well with, rang up and had a real go at me about nothing in particular and had me in tears. My husband had to go round to speak with him and get to the bottom of it, and generally he was just being odd. Coincidence?
The weekend and start of the week leading up to my husband's injury we'd had a lot of stress with my eldest daughter and the ongoing saga (as moaned/ spoken about in many a previous blog post!) with her very unsuitable boyfriend. He has called and left dreadful messages, messaged us nastily via Facebook, sent horrid texts and spoken to us on the phone being quite awful. On top of him being dreadful and having me in tears one dinner time that week, our daughter told us she can't wait to leave home at 16 and be with him, but she was happy for us to spend money on her in the meantime and support her when she'd gone.
When you have poured your heart and soul and such love into a person you've helped create, your own daughter, to have such vileness returned, is heart breaking. It's like she's under a spell, as honestly he's so unkind and thoughtless towards her we can't see what she sees in him. It is almost like and addiction. I felt literally in pieces that week leading up to it all. : (
Then of course the main event happened, with me already heart broken and ill that week. That combined with the shock and lack of sleep was awful, and I had to completely rely on the Lord. But the Bible so often talks about God being our strength, I can truly say that was the case, and in hospital I was able to be strong for my husband and know some peace, and a quiet inner strength that was not mine. I've also been able to maintain a positive attitude throughout. The Bible talks about how important our thoughts are, so I've worked hard this week to keep all mine positive and chuck all the rubbish ones out. I've also worked hard to remain joyful and putting my husband and kids first. Sounds straightforward, but after a while of being so out of my comfort zone my normal instinct is to start feeling a little resentment and grumpy. But with god's help I've been able to keep all that at bay and stay strong and joyful - a great improvement from the negative, depressed person I was some years ago!
After we came home from the hospital and I'd had two hours sleep in two days, and was still pretty shell-shocked, my daughter's boyfriend called. He had already called and harassed my mum that morning. She had told him my daughter was not home (she wasn't, she was at grandparents as we'd been in hospital) and neither were we. He was pretty rude to her. When I picked up that evening he said, 'Oh, so you are home!', then proceeded to go on a rant. Honestly, even I am surprised at how patient I was with him during that call, and I tried everything to calm him. But no matter what I say, all he hears is 'you hate me, you hate me', which is not true.
So he carried on. I said 'Look, my husband nearly died last night, I haven't slept much, she's not here, so please just leave us alone to get some rest.' More ranting. So I confess I lost it. He pushed me beyond my limits. And I told him to go away, not very politely, and hung up. Not my best moment, but considering quite understandable I think.
Within an hour I had the Police on the phone. He had called to complain about me - that I had been rude to him and that I won't let him see my daughter. He has called them before apparently to complain about me. Honestly, I was soooo beyond exhausted and emotionally drained by then I just cried hysterically on the phone to the Policeman. He listened to the whole saga, and thankfully was most understanding and came down my side of the fence. Boyfriend has been given a formal warning, been told not to contact us or our daughter again, and been told to get over it. If he or his parents contact or harass us anymore, we just need to tell the Police and they will arrest boyfriend. Phew! Let's hope this is it. Daughter is not happy, but hopefully no contact will help draw the poison out and allow her to move on in her life. Its been like a recurring nightmare, getting progressively worse for nearly a year now. Pray God this is the end of it.
Since Thursday my husband has been making a little progress every day, which is so much faster than expected. The diagnosis went from broken/ fractured hip/ pelvis, to slipped or herniated disc, to spine being out of alignment, causing muscle spasm and trapped nerve. In any of those cases we were told weeks and weeks to see improvement. Improvements started after 6 days. But even in those 6 days of no improvement and me suddenly having to cope with the shock of it, getting over flu, bonkers boyfriend and suddenly having to do a very physical job full time, I felt a deep inner peace underneath it all and a sense that I wasn't to worry it would all be OK. That's God really, at the heart of it. Sometimes we don't get the instant miracle we crave, but He does get us through. And we've been so looked after by our church and friends, it's been awesome. And in it I've know a joy, peace and strength that is not of me. Thank you, God. Hopefully by the end of the week husband will be able to drive and then the latter end of next week start a very slow and staggered return to work, whilst being very careful! But overall, all heading in the right direction, which after a week of non-movement and horrific pain is awesome.
There are hard things too. My husband's brother and sister-in-law, who decided long ago to hate us for no apparent reason, when told of husband's near death, were completely indifferent. How many of us could have no care when a sibling nearly dies, no matter how little we get along with them? Honestly we've tried everything there too. I just feel sad for them now. How deceived and under the devil's cosh must they be to be so full of hate?
But overall I can already see the good in this. Like a flower blossoming early or unexpectedly, I can see God's hand in it. He didn't prevent it, but so much good will come of it I'm sure, that in time we may be grateful He didn't. But He is getting us through, even if at times I am so exhausted at the moment that I can't hold a conversation!
To finish here's another sign of God's promise to us. My bonkers daffodils are still flowering, and this one managed to produce three daffodils on one stalk!!
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| A trinity of daffodils! I take it as a good sign! |
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| God promises double blessings for your trouble - perhaps we shall get triple?! |
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| Pretty amazing that one bulb can have so much grow from it. God's clever! |
Anyway, must be off to shower after a long day, then more chocolate and a large cup of hot, strong tea - a lifesaver to us Brits - tea fixes anything I'm told ; )
Be blessed : )
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