Last post I spoke about offence and an unfortunate time I'd had in that regard at a small group meeting with people from church. I had shared what I felt God say to share, and the person leading the study had unfortunately been offended by something I said and become quite cross about it. Humanly we all want to defend ourselves, but the Bible talks a lot about God actually being the one who vindicates us, and I felt in this instance I should just trust the Lord for a good outcome.
Well, I am very pleased to be able to say that the person concerned, who is a good friend of mine, realised what had happened as soon as I'd left the meeting last Monday. Once home their spouse had spoken to them too, and they listened to God and went out of their way to say sorry and make amends. We have since had a good conversation and all is well.
It is so great after several rather unhappier similar instances, to be able to report such a good outcome and the fact that I was able to speak with them and share more clearly what I'd felt and how what and how they'd spoken to me had made me feel. Nothing was shared in anything other than a gentle way that was appropriate - it was not about me defending myself. But for me, as someone with a difficult past, who hates confrontation and has so often felt misunderstood and 'shut down' by others, it was really wonderful and a great experience for me to be able to open up a little more. Anyway, all is resolved. God is good!
[I feel I should add a small disclaimer at this point to say that Churches, like life, are full of people and disagreements are therefore bound to happen from time to time. I have always found Church on the whole to be a very loving place, and have known exceptional love and support from an amazing group of people there : ) ]
But as the year progresses slowly, and I have had to do rather a lot of business and personal accounts for a meeting with our debt management plan later this week, I can see that we have many challenges that I need to keep trusting God about with all my being, and taking things one day at a time.
Some of the challenges are:
Finances: Work has slowed, there is little/ no work for me (just my husband) so income is greatly reduced, much work is weather dependant (it needs to be dry and mild and the weather is anything but) and yet demands on our finances keep increasing. Our debts are also quite substantial and therefore it will take approximately 31 years to pay them all off at the rate we are currently able to pay - obviously this is not something we can put up with for that length of time.
Home: We need to carry out maintenance works at home and in the garden, but cannot afford to.
Cars: The two vehicles we have are old, we have no money to replace them and they both need work, which we currently cannot afford.
Health: I have had to work very hard to prepare the accounts I've just done with very long hours and I can very much feel the effects in my body. I need to recover, plus keep walking steadily towards full healing of long term health issues. I also have two lumps around my right eye which I had specifically been praying about for healing - I have since been advised to see a Dr with them as one particularly may be cancerous.
I also need to keep trusting God with my family, friends and life in general. And there are the longer term issues of the God given dreams that keep rising up within my heart, which I seek to pursue in spite of so many negative circumstances that would seek to hold me back. The dreams, especially in the hard times of lack of money and time, seem to stir within me like an ache. It's as if they seek to remind me that in spite of the odds stacked against me and their seeming impossibility, all things are possible with God.
Circumstances, especially when they're difficult, seem to have such a loud voice, seeking to drown out all hope. But no matter how impossible, I am determined to shout louder and press on.
[I feel I should add another disclaimer here: I do not list some of my difficulties to suggest my life is dreadful, or indeed boast about them, or have a good moan (although let's be honest, we all need one from time to time, don't we?!) - having re-read the post I can see it may come across that way. On the contrary, I am simply trying to demonstrate honestly and as factually as possible, the difficulties I have so that when God moves in these areas it will encourage others who may have similar issues, that God is alive and well and longing to move in our lives : ) ]
I looked up trusting God in the Bible the other evening. There are many scriptures that I could quote but just for starters the Bible says that someone who trusts in God is:
blessed (Proverbs 16: 20, Psalm 84: 12, Psalm 40: 4)
surrounded by the Lord's unfailing love (Psalm 32: 10)
kept safe (Proverbs 29: 25)
helped (Psalm 28: 7)
their faith (their believing) is credited to them as righteousness (Rom 4: 5)
kept in perfect peace (Isaiah 26: 3)
Now that's a fairly impressive and all-encompassing list, just for trusting in God and relying on Him coming through with help. My favourite at the moment about trust has to be Jeremiah 17: 7 - 8:
7“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
8They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
Although the heat (metaphorically!) has come and it seems to be a time of drought in some areas, my profession of faith must be "I have no worries", as verse 8 declares. The story of my life has always been: difficulty + God = salvation and miracle. So I have great hope and choose to do my best to "walk by faith and not by sight and have good courage" (2 Corinthians 5: 6 - 8).
The Doctors appointment about my strange 'lumps' is in just over a week; worry keeps bothering me but I am doing my best to beat it down and ignore it! With that, as with everything else, I shall keep on blogging.
May our droughts and prayers bring forth a great flood of blessing : )
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