Being offended at something or someone may not seem like a big deal, but when looked at Biblically, as John does in the book, it becomes clear that it is a huge issue, which cannot be ignored.
In Luke 17: 1 Jesus says: "It is impossible that offences will not come". The Greek word for offend in this verse, John teaches, comes from the word 'skandalon'. This word refers to the part of a trap (for trapping animals), to which bait was attached. Hence offence, as the title and book suggests, is a 'bait' that the devil uses to try and entrap us.
This idea is furthered in 2 Timothy 2: 24 - 26, where Paul (who writes the letter (epistle)) instructs the recipient, a young man named Timothy (hence the title of the book in the Bible):
" 24And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 25Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will."
When really looked at, offend is something the devil uses to bait us, and when we take the bait, we are entrapped and taken captive 'to do his wil'!! The Bible is literally saying that when we succumb to offence, we can bring ourselves under the devil's control! Now that is scary. But what can be scarier still is that when we are offended, we are simply unaware that we carry offence and still walk on believing we are right.
Now for some reason, in my walk as a Christian, I seem to have some untold ability to offend. Believe me, I do my very best to walk in love and really hate confrontation, arguments and any sort of unpleasantness. I am not argumentative and try to walk according to Romans 12: 18: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.". I love peace and try to be a peacemaker as far as possible.
Offence plays a huge part in why my brother-in-law and sister-in-law have huge problems with myself, my children and my husband. God has revealed this to us and I understand now that we have to wait upon God's timing for them to understand that what they hold against us is not right, that they are offended and that they need to let it go, as they are only hurting themselves. However, sometimes scarier than offending someone who isn't a Christian (albeit completely unawares), can be accidentally offending someone who is.
There have been very clear times in my journey with God, where God has spoken something to me, and I have tried as humbly and with as much love as I can share it with others. I am not naturally bold, but in several circumstances that I can think of, off the top of my head, I have been obedient to God and stepped out and shared something, and I have been met quite profoundly with anger, nastiness and opposition. It has shocked me very much at the time, particularly as some of it has been so completely vile and unexpected, and left me feeling terribly upset and bereft. It has been as if God has asked me to step out for Him, and I have been met with a vile backlash as a result, and it has appeared as though God has left me to fend for myself. It really does make you scared to say anything, let alone anything God gives you!
Now the same thing happened last night. In our church we have what we call 'housegroups' where we meet during the week as small groups in someone's home, to read the Bible, to pray and enjoy one another's company. I don't often make it to the group as I'm often busy with work, children or unwell, but as it has been some time I felt I should make the effort and go. My husband had work to do, so stayed home.
It was going just fine, but then it came to having some Bible teaching. The person leading the study was someone I have known for many, many years, have great respect for and count as a friend. However they made a comment which I felt the Lord say was rather negative and perhaps wasn't a fair representation of God.
The idea of the studies within these groups is that it is a discussion and we seek collectively to understand what God is saying through the passage. So when asked for comments or ideas, I (hesitantly) spoke up. I said that I felt that perhaps one thing that they had said was a little negative, and went on to gently share why.
Now this is where the devil gets in. I have had recent dealings with this person. They know very clearly that I care for them and would do anything for them. They know that I respect them and admire their walk with God. They clearly know all these things. Yet what I believe they heard was not all the positive things, or the fact that I said I thought perhaps what they had said might be construed as a little negative, but I believe instead they heard that I thought that they personally were negative.
I could see it the instant they started to retort back. Gone were the smiles and fun of sharing together. Instead the person became aggressive and cross, and spoke to me, in front of the whole group, very sternly, firmly and loudly. I tried to reply back, but they said quite firmly that they 'hadn't finished'. They then carried on berating me and basically 'shutting me down'.
I tried one more time to gently reply, but again was firmly shut down. An awkward silence then followed that impacted the rest of the evening.
To continue sitting under that atmosphere for the rest for the study was almost impossible for me. My background means that when faced with harsh and angry opposition like that, my instinct is to run. It took all my self control to remain sitting then patiently whilst they finished the study. It then came to prayer, but realising I could not pray under that atmosphere I made my excuses and left early.
I had a great pray on the way home and thankfully I felt God reveal what had happened and I felt His presence with me. And once home I very quickly felt peace.
In a way I am glad it happened, because it gave an opportunity to show how I have grown in God. My peace was quickly restored and I was able to 'let it go'. I was able to see that God hadn't left me and feel comforted by Him. And perhaps one of the biggest things was that I was able to see that it is OK to be misunderstood.
My whole life I have longed to be 'understood'. In many past relationships I can see there has been a reaching out, a longing to be known and to be loved for who I am. I believe that all humans, in their hearts, long to be known and understood. And for me, having such a history within my family of being hurt and laid aside, as no one cared to know me at all, being misunderstood has in the past been heart breaking for me. But last night, I was able to see once again that at times it is OK to simply be understood by God.
To be fair, I came home and shared briefly with my husband what had happened, as he enquired why I was home earlier than expected, and he too was very understanding and really took care of me. And then we watched some TV and had a real giggle, which was great for the soul.
I am hoping and praying that the person concerned will see, apart from anything else, that no matter how they feel, all but shouting at someone in such an intimidating manner in any circumstances, let alone in front of a group, is wrong, and apologise. However I can only leave that it God's hands. My job now is to forgive and let it go, and keep walking on with the Lord.
Sadly, probably because I was upset, I did get another migraine last night and had to take the medication. But it was OK this time and I slept. And God gave me a really encouraging dream and spoke to me during the night, about the brightness of my future if I keep walking in Him. And I realise now, that no matter how much I believe I am in the right, God is my vindicator (Psalm 135: 14, amongst others) - He will vindicate me. I just have to let it all go and leave it with Him, and not worry about defending myself.
Some of the best advice I have heard preached from the front of my Church was this: "We must lay down our right to be offended." It is a tall order indeed, but one I hope to achieve. Hopefully as we become more aware of these things, so we can help clear the issue of offence from the church and from our lives. And let's face it, isn't it a jolly good job that God isn't easily offended!
Be blessed : )
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