Learning to Be Content

Well God certainly likes challenging us to stretch that little bit further, doesn't he?! Having complained (rather grumpily, I might add!) that our finances and resources were stretched rather further than was comfortable, my car started to make a very odd sound when driving Tuesday afternoon.

Upon investigation (driving with the radio off and the windows down, head hanging out, listening trying to establish where the noise was coming from - followed by my husband having a proper look) it became apparent that it needed the two rear brakes renewed NOW. 'Oh great,' I thought rather sarcastically.

Thankfully we have a great mechanic who is really reasonable, so we called him up. He was very apologetic that he couldn't fix it, but it turns out the pain he was getting pre-Christmas was a broken back! So he's at home receiving treatment and resting so it can heal for the next few months. He recommended someone else and they are fixing it tomorrow.

On the up side they were able to fit it in quickly, as it was not great to drive, noisy and potentially unsafe. On the down side any meagre savings I thought I might have made to keep us going into February will be well and truly swallowed up, as well as food budgets etc, as it's costing between £100-200 approximately!

My younger son also started complaining that he had grown out of his £38 school shoes (they last all year normally, unlike cheaper brands which wear through in a month) bought just in September, and needed a new pair. 'Oh great' I thought again, as I really do not have £38. I have no credit cards, no overdraft and am not able to borrow any money because of past debt issues (and to be fair, I don't want to). I thought I'd have a rummage about and see if we had any suitable next size up shoes for him left over from my older son to make do until we could afford a new pair. That's when I discovered what the problem was. I looked at my son's so called 'pair' of shoes: one was a size 2 and one was a size 3!! No wonder it hurt his feet as he's a size 3! Turns out he's swapped a shoe with another boy in his class who is younger than him. Hopefully tomorrow we can retrieve our shoe and release the wrong shoe back to it's owner. But I am relieved that I don't have to go shoe shopping just yet!

 Looking at the 'pair' he's got, I can see why he might not have immediately noticed:

The one on the right of the picture is one UK size larger, hence the squeeze, but not easy to spot!

But overall, I am being tested. We were so blessed to be able to shop for Christmas (albeit rather late into December due to lack of funds) and meet all our bills, but this thorough stretching of faith, finances, time and patience is just soooo very frustrating. The Bible talks about our 'flesh' - it's the part of us that so often craves comfort and satisfaction. Well at the moment my 'flesh' is screaming: 'Go shopping!', 'Eat out!', 'Book a holiday!'. In other words 'SATISFY ME! GIVE ME COMFORT!!!'

Obviously eating out, booking a holiday and going shopping are all things that would be a bit of a stretch anyway, but I can usually scrounge up enough money to be able to do something as a little (and I mean cheap) treat. But at the moment I am having to be 100% disciplined. NO treats at all. And my flesh is hating it.

The Bible says: "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:11). So I guess I should be looking forward to the future harvest, and not concentrating on the pain of the discipline. Honestly, I am sure God will bring good from this. The Bible promises that he works all things to our benefit (Romans 8: 28). I am just being a grump : )

I have also been challenged however, as God has reminded me of Paul's words in Philippians 4: 11(b)-13:

"11bI have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

I guess God is reminding me that all I need is Him. After all, let's be honest, I am blessed with so much already, but He should be my everything.

So, I will do my best to put grumpiness away and ignore the cries of my flesh (who, let's be honest, only ever wants to draw me away from God and His will and great plans for my life and make me more miserable anyway). I will draw on God's strength, so that I can be content even when going through a discipline or in want and start trying to be a little bit more thankful for all my blessings : )

To end on a cheery note, my son, who had lost his shoe, was also being disciplined earlier after repeatedly not doing something we had asked him to do, because doing what he wanted was apparently more important. So, to press the lesson home we took away his computer tablet for a little while. He loves that tablet and taking away his comfort made him feel miserable (I know how he feels!).

In his tears and misery he wailed at my husband: "Do you like punishing people?!"

I heard from the lounge and had to stop laughing before he came to see me, to tell me all about how much Daddy likes punishing people ; ) Then at bedtime, Daddy, when saying a prayer and goodnight to our son, very gently said 'No, I don't like punishing people'. He was told very firmly: 'Well don't do it then!'

Children, they may be time, money and patience vampires (i.e. they suck you dry), but they don't half make you laugh! We've also had to leave a note to to remind our son to bring home a chart he made at school, that he was supposed to bring home, but forgot. What was it for?, we asked. It was for helping me to remember things, he replied. Ah, the irony!

And cheery note part two, here's some pictures of the beautiful amaryllis bulbs we were given for Christmas. The pink one is twice the height of the red one, but both are simply gorgeous. Enjoy : )

Isn't God clever? Be blessed : )

Trusting In God

I've been talking a lot about trusting in God and about dealing with fear, as that's what so much of my journey with God seems to have been about these past months and years, as I've waded through (and with God's help been dealing with) the rubbish in my life.

Last post I spoke about offence and an unfortunate time I'd had in that regard at a small group meeting with people from church. I had shared what I felt God say to share, and the person leading the study had unfortunately been offended by something I said and become quite cross about it. Humanly we all want to defend ourselves, but the Bible talks a lot about God actually being the one who vindicates us, and I felt in this instance I should just trust the Lord for a good outcome.

Well, I am very pleased to be able to say that the person concerned, who is a good friend of mine, realised what had happened as soon as I'd left the meeting last Monday. Once home their spouse had spoken to them too, and they listened to God and went out of their way to say sorry and make amends. We have since had a good conversation and all is well.

It is so great after several rather unhappier similar instances, to be able to report such a good outcome and the fact that I was able to speak with them and share more clearly what I'd felt and how what and how they'd spoken to me had made me feel. Nothing was shared in anything other than a gentle way that was appropriate - it was not about me defending myself. But for me, as someone with a difficult past, who hates confrontation and has so often felt misunderstood and 'shut down' by others, it was really wonderful and a great experience for me to be able to open up a little more. Anyway, all is resolved. God is good!

[I feel I should add a small disclaimer at this point to say that Churches, like life, are full of people and disagreements are therefore bound to happen from time to time. I have always found Church on the whole to be a very loving place, and have known exceptional love and support from an amazing group of people there : ) ] 

But as the year progresses slowly, and I have had to do rather a lot of business and personal accounts for a meeting with our debt management plan later this week, I can see that we have many challenges that I need to keep trusting God about with all my being, and taking things one day at a time.

Some of the challenges are:

Finances: Work has slowed, there is little/ no work for me (just my husband) so income is greatly reduced, much work is weather dependant (it needs to be dry and mild and the weather is anything but) and yet demands on our finances keep increasing. Our debts are also quite substantial and therefore it will take approximately 31 years to pay them all off at the rate we are currently able to pay - obviously this is not something we can put up with for that length of time.

Home: We need to carry out maintenance works at home and in the garden, but cannot afford to.

Cars: The two vehicles we have are old, we have no money to replace them and they both need work, which we currently cannot afford.

Health: I have had to work very hard to prepare the accounts I've just done with very long hours and I can very much feel the effects in my body. I need to recover, plus keep walking steadily towards full healing of long term health issues. I also have two lumps around my right eye which I had specifically been praying about for healing - I have since been advised to see a Dr with them as one particularly may be cancerous.

I also need to keep trusting God with my family, friends and life in general. And there are the longer term issues of the God given dreams that keep rising up within my heart, which I seek to pursue in spite of so many negative circumstances that would seek to hold me back. The dreams, especially in the hard times of lack of money and time, seem to stir within me like an ache. It's as if they seek to remind me that in spite of the odds stacked against me and their seeming impossibility, all things are possible with God.

Circumstances, especially when they're difficult, seem to have such a loud voice, seeking to drown out all hope. But no matter how impossible, I am determined to shout louder and press on.

[I feel I should add another disclaimer here: I do not list some of my difficulties to suggest my life is dreadful, or indeed boast about them, or have a good moan (although let's be honest, we all need one from time to time, don't we?!) - having re-read the post I can see it may come across that way. On the contrary, I am simply trying to demonstrate honestly and as factually as possible, the difficulties I have so that when God moves in these areas it will encourage others who may have similar issues, that God is alive and well and longing to move in our lives : ) ]

I looked up trusting God in the Bible the other evening. There are many scriptures that I could quote but just for starters the Bible says that someone who trusts in God is:

blessed (Proverbs 16: 20, Psalm 84: 12, Psalm 40: 4)
surrounded by the Lord's unfailing love (Psalm 32: 10)
kept safe (Proverbs 29: 25)
helped (Psalm 28: 7)
their faith (their believing) is credited to them as righteousness (Rom 4: 5)
kept in perfect peace (Isaiah 26: 3)

Now that's a fairly impressive and all-encompassing list, just for trusting in God and relying on Him coming through with help. My favourite at the moment about trust has to be Jeremiah 17: 7 - 8:

7“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,

whose confidence is in him.

8They will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit.”

Although the heat (metaphorically!) has come and it seems to be a time of drought in some areas, my profession of faith must be "I have no worries", as verse 8 declares. The story of my life has always been: difficulty + God = salvation and miracle. So I have great hope and choose to do my best to "walk by faith and not by sight and have good courage" (2 Corinthians 5: 6 - 8).

The Doctors appointment about my strange 'lumps' is in just over a week; worry keeps bothering me but I am doing my best to beat it down and ignore it! With that, as with everything else, I shall keep on blogging.

May our droughts and prayers bring forth a great flood of blessing : )

 

God is My Vindicator

When preparing the previous post, I came across the following online:

"GOD is my vindicator

Psalms 9:4
 For you have upheld my right and my cause; you have sat on your throne, judging rightously.

I came upon reading this during devotion and how it explains is this;

God upholds our just cause, he is our vindicator. In this life we may face many injustices
1- we may be falsely accused and misunderstood by friends and enemies
2- we may not be truly appreciated by others for the love we show
3- the true calue of our work and services may not be duly rewarded
4- our ideas may be ignored.

But God is to be praised, for He sees and remembers all the good we do, it is up to Him to decide the timing and the appropriateness of our rewards. If we do not trust Him to vindicate us, then we will be susceptible to hatred and self pity. If we do trust him, we can experience God's peace and be free from worry of how others perceive us and treat us."

It was from a fellow blogger, and posted 25/12/12 at:

http://wolfy83.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/god-is-my-vindicator.html

I haven't read the post in full, or explored the blog, but the bit above seemed just right and encouraged me.

I'm going to keep on trying to leave any vindication or apology due to me to God, for Him to oversee it, and just keep myself busy with the things He asks me to do. And of course, keep on focusing on Him and the very many great blessings in my life, instead!

And praise God, the only work we had until recently was weather dependant, and we have had so much rain half of Britain seems to be flooded - but 'suddenly' much indoor work has 'flooded' in and once again we are able to plan ahead and know we have plenty of work booked in. God is good : )

The Bait of Satan

The title refers to a great book by John Bevere, on the issue of offence. I believe that especially in the days within which we live, offence is rife.

Being offended at something or someone may not seem like a big deal, but when looked at Biblically, as John does in the book, it becomes clear that it is a huge issue, which cannot be ignored.

In Luke 17: 1 Jesus says: "It is impossible that offences will not come". The Greek word for offend in this verse, John teaches, comes from the word 'skandalon'. This word refers to the part of a trap (for trapping animals), to which bait was attached. Hence offence, as the title and book suggests, is a 'bait' that the devil uses to try and entrap us.

This idea is furthered in 2 Timothy 2: 24 - 26, where Paul (who writes the letter (epistle)) instructs the recipient, a young man named Timothy (hence the title of the book in the Bible):

" 24And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 25Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will."

When really looked at, offend is something the devil uses to bait us, and when we take the bait, we are entrapped and taken captive 'to do his wil'!! The Bible is literally saying that when we succumb to offence, we can bring ourselves under the devil's control! Now that is scary. But what can be scarier still is that when we are offended, we are simply unaware that we carry offence and still walk on believing we are right.

Now for some reason, in my walk as a Christian, I seem to have some untold ability to offend. Believe me, I do my very best to walk in love and really hate confrontation, arguments and any sort of unpleasantness. I am not argumentative and try to walk according to Romans 12: 18: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.". I love peace and try to be a peacemaker as far as possible.


Offence plays a huge part in why my brother-in-law and sister-in-law have huge problems with myself, my children and my husband. God has revealed this to us and I understand now that we have to wait upon God's timing for them to understand that what they hold against us is not right, that they are offended and that they need to let it go, as they are only hurting themselves. However, sometimes scarier than offending someone who isn't a Christian (albeit completely unawares), can be accidentally offending someone who is.

There have been very clear times in my journey with God, where God has spoken something to me, and I have tried as humbly and with as much love as I can share it with others. I am not naturally bold, but in several circumstances that I can think of, off the top of my head, I have been obedient to God and stepped out and shared something, and I have been met quite profoundly with anger, nastiness and opposition. It has shocked me very much at the time, particularly as some of it has been so completely vile and unexpected, and left me feeling terribly upset and bereft. It has been as if God has asked me to step out for Him, and I have been met with a vile backlash as a result, and it has appeared as though God has left me to fend for myself. It really does make you scared to say anything, let alone anything God gives you!


Now the same thing happened last night. In our church we have what we call 'housegroups' where we meet during the week as small groups in someone's home, to read the Bible, to pray and enjoy one another's company. I don't often make it to the group as I'm often busy with work, children or unwell, but as it has been some time I felt I should make the effort and go. My husband had work to do, so stayed home.


It was going just fine, but then it came to having some Bible teaching. The person leading the study was someone I have known for many, many years, have great respect for and count as a friend. However they made a comment which I felt the Lord say was rather negative and perhaps wasn't a fair representation of God. 


The idea of the studies within these groups is that it is a discussion and we seek collectively to understand what God is saying through the passage. So when asked for comments or ideas, I (hesitantly) spoke up. I said that I felt that perhaps one thing that they had said was a little negative, and went on to gently share why.


Now this is where the devil gets in. I have had recent dealings with this person. They know very clearly that I care for them and would do anything for them. They know that I respect them and admire their walk with God. They clearly know all these things. Yet what I believe they heard was not all the positive things, or the fact that I said I thought perhaps what they had said might be construed as a little negative, but I believe instead they heard that I thought that they personally were negative.


I could see it the instant they started to retort back. Gone were the smiles and fun of sharing together. Instead the person became aggressive and cross, and spoke to me, in front of the whole group, very sternly, firmly and loudly. I tried to reply back, but they said quite firmly that they 'hadn't finished'. They then carried on berating me and basically 'shutting me down'.


I tried one more time to gently reply, but again was firmly shut down. An awkward silence then followed that impacted the rest of the evening.


To continue sitting under that atmosphere for the rest for the study was almost impossible for me. My background means that when faced with harsh and angry opposition like that, my instinct is to run. It took all my self control to remain sitting then patiently whilst they finished the study. It then came to prayer, but realising I could not pray under that atmosphere I made my excuses and left early.


I had a great pray on the way home and thankfully I felt God reveal what had happened and I felt His presence with me. And once home I very quickly felt peace.

In a way I am glad it happened, because it gave an opportunity to show how I have grown in God. My peace was quickly restored and I was able to 'let it go'. I was able to see that God hadn't left me and feel comforted by Him. And perhaps one of the biggest things was that I was able to see that it is OK to be misunderstood. 

My whole life I have longed to be 'understood'. In many past relationships I can see there has been a reaching out, a longing to be known and to be loved for who I am. I believe that all humans, in their hearts, long to be known and understood. And for me, having such a history within my family of being hurt and laid aside, as no one cared to know me at all, being misunderstood has in the past been heart breaking for me. But last night, I was able to see once again that at times it is OK to simply be understood by God.

To be fair, I came home and shared briefly with my husband what had happened, as he enquired why I was home earlier than expected, and he too was very understanding and really took care of me. And then we watched some TV and had a real giggle, which was great for the soul.


I am hoping and praying that the person concerned will see, apart from anything else, that no matter how they feel, all but shouting at someone in such an intimidating manner in any circumstances, let alone in front of a group, is wrong, and apologise. However I can only leave that it God's hands. My job now is to forgive and let it go, and keep walking on with the Lord.


Sadly, probably because I was upset, I did get another migraine last night and had to take the medication. But it was OK this time and I slept. And God gave me a really encouraging dream and spoke to me during the night, about the brightness of my future if I keep walking in Him. And I realise now, that no matter how much I believe I am in the right, God is my vindicator (Psalm 135: 14, amongst others) - He will vindicate me. I just have to let it all go and leave it with Him, and not worry about defending myself.


Some of the best advice I have heard preached from the front of my Church was this: "We must lay down our right to be offended." It is a tall order indeed, but one I hope to achieve. Hopefully as we become more aware of these things, so we can help clear the issue of offence from the church and from our lives. And let's face it, isn't it a jolly good job that God isn't easily offended!


Be blessed : )

Do Not Fear The Oppressor Part 2

I found this on the internet after writing my 'Do Not Fear The Oppressor' post and I found it very encouraging:

"Don't fear the oppressor. God's Word and His Spirit will help us to battle all the devil throws at us. Place your trust in the Lord today and when discouragement comes and it doesn't look like you are going to prevail, when it looks like all hope is gone, trust in the operation of God and know that He will deliver you from the hand of the oppressor. He can even make your enemies to be at peace with you in the time of trouble."

The full article can be found at: www.daileyfamilyministries.com/the_oppressor.html

I haven't read the article in full yet and don't know of this particular ministry, but that part of the article certainly stood out to me and gave me encouragement : )

God's Unseen Work

I have come to realise in my Christian walk that it sometimes seems that God moves 'all of a sudden', when in reality He has been at work all the time and it is simply that the fullness of time has come and things come to fruition.

As you will know from previous posts I have been trying through my struggles to maintain a more positive mindset. It doesn't work all the time - I have a profound ability to be a ridiculously grumpy person. But God knows I have been trying pretty hard to knock those negative thoughts out of the park and start believing the good thoughts instead.

One area I have really endeavoured to maintain a positive attitude in has been the area of my marriage. My husband and I have known each other on and off for about 30 years now (no, I am not very old, we went to school together : ) ), and God very clearly put us together and meant us to get married. But even knowing that, you would not believe the amount of negative thoughts I would get towards him. It took me a long while to realise that often when something is attacked with negative thoughts so regularly it's because it is from God and therefore the devil hates it and attacks it. However all the negativity in the world isn't a problem unless you dwell on it, or start to believe it.

Sadly I would sometimes believe the rubbish (and I am sure my husband would do the same) and it affected our marriage, but recently I have tried to throw out all negative thoughts and just love him. I have tried to put him first, to see things from his point of view, keep thinking positive things and just kept asking the Lord for help. And do you know what, the love I had for him (which was quite a lot anyway) has just grown and grown. We haven't been bickering, but instead we've had much more laughs than usual (and we did regularly have a good old belly laugh anyway, now it seems to be several times a day), we've been much kinder to each other and life has just been a lot easier.

And then, just a few days ago, God did something in an intimate moment between us which really moved me along the path to total healing and freedom from the abuse in my past. So, a double blessing!

The other area I have been consistently working in to remain positive, for years now, is health. As you will know if you've read previous entries, I have had serious long-term health issues for nearly 2 1/2 years now. There's been ups and downs and a steady, gentle, upward trend, but it's still been very, very draining and difficult. And on the bad days, I would be swamped in negativity.

It has been a struggle to remain positive and believing God's Word that says I am healed because of what Jesus achieved on the cross on my behalf, even on good days, but on bad days it's a bit like mountain climbing when you're exhausted. But I have really tried. Whether it was this, or a combination of things, I truly do not know, but 11 days ago God lifted a large chunk of my illness off me. It was just gone! Poof! Has it gone for good or is this just a good spell? Honestly, I don't know. But I do know God has told me not to worry about that and just keep trusting Him. Whether this is a good spell, or a big healing, only time will tell, but either way, for me to not be on the medication I needed (in sizable doses daily just to function) for 11 days, is simply amazing! Some ongoing issues remain, but with those too, though some would seem an impossible request to be healed of, I remain trusting and believing that He's on the case.

I even went out to dinner with friends last night, an activity that would usually trigger profound anxiety and make me very, very ill (it was friends that I had visited just a few short months ago and had an awful experience of illness afterwards), and remained medication free! I felt some anxiety, but I kept trusting and looking to God, and I ended up with an excellent memory and an excellent result and feeling peaceful and well at the end of the evening.

I must be honest and say that I explain the things God has led me to do: not acting out of fear, trusting God, kicking out negative thoughts and remaining positive, keeping on believing in spite of how dismal circumstances can look etc, because I know they can and will help and are all scriptural. Speaking out Scripture has also helped me profoundly. But ultimately all God wants with us is to have an honest relationship, not have us ticking off boxes of things to do when in difficulty. He loves us enough that it is sufficient quite often simply to shout "Help!". But in the same way our kids need to grow up and learn how to avoid certain messes for themselves (although we'll wade in if needs be), or how to help themselves without expecting Mum and Dad to just sort everything, so when we're friends with God we need to grow up sometimes too. But as for the results, we may work in conjunction with God, but without Him the results would always come to nought. The results - it's all Him. I can't begin to thank Him enough for it.

Today has been a good day. A great time at church. The sun came out. We had a family walk. We relaxed and watched some TV. Some more work cam in yesterday and last week. And I largely feel quite well. There may be more stormy days ahead - I know we certainly have many things on our plate that need to be sorted, but only God can do it -  but I can put today in the memory bank and remind myself of how God has been working recently next time things are tough. I am greatly encouraged that no matter how hard things are, there will always be better days and blessings ahead - sometimes sooner than you think.

Be blessed : )

Do Not Fear The Oppressor!

Yet again health issues have prevented me from writing as much as I would have liked to. My longer term health issues, praise God, have improved, but other issues such as hormonal problems and migraines have been ongoing over the last nine days, making it hard for me to sit in front of a computer. But although sometimes the fighting can seem a little continuous and designed, I am sure, to drag me down and exhaust me, I continue to press on in faith knowing that a better place in terms of health lies ahead. Sometimes our best testimony is that 'I am still here' and 'I still believe, in spite of it all'.

After the recent passing of Nelson Mandela I watched a very interesting programme about his time in prison. It included extracts from letters he wrote whilst in there and from his autobiography 'The Long Walk to Freedom', which he co-wrote with a journalist called Richard Stengel.

Some of the extracts spoke very clearly to me of our journeys through life as Christians, and the difficulties we face. At one point the voice over said "Richard Stengel began to see (the prison) Robben Island, not as the prison which had confined Mandela, but the crucible which had transformed him".

Are our greatest difficulties not the very things that God uses to refine us, to form us (if we will allow Him) into not only the person He longs for us to be, but also the person He designed and created us to be, the very best person we can be? Of course we are not usually incarcerated, as Mandela was, fighting for what we believe in, for so many years, but are we not also oppressed and imprisoned by circumstances and difficulties that are often far beyond our control?

I have learnt first hand through some appalling difficulties of abuse, great financial hardship and dreadful illness that I am not in control. I have felt helpless and imprisoned. But I recognise these things are not sent by God. However He can and does use them 'as the crucible which transforms us'. If we trust Him and will allow it. I know that I am in no ways the person I used to be, I believe and hope I am 'better' in many ways.

Nature again showed itself to be very useful in demonstrating how difficulties can seemingly block our way forward, when on a walk recently:

It can be smaller things such as vines and branches that would seek to entangle or trip us ..

.. or it can be larger problems, such as a huge tree felled in a storm!

Problems come in a variety of sizes, some more obvious than others. But a small, entangling, seemingly innocuous situation can be as potentially devastating as the larger more obvious issues.

However in all situations, God has spoken to me very clearly not to fear. It is fine to feel afraid - I have many times recently in situations I have faced. Recently I had to take a new medication which had previously made me feel like I was dying - I do not exaggerate. It was an awful, frightening experience. However when needing to take it again recently, although afraid, I felt the Lord say to trust Him and go ahead. In that circumstance I felt very afraid - I was so scared that I was crying and holding my husband's hand. But I trusted God and took the medication, and this time I had a far better experience. That is what the Lord wants - not for us to never feel fear, but to follow His leading no matter how we feel.

This was very well expressed in the words of Mandela in the documentary:

"Prison liberates a person, because one of the things that paralyses a movement is to fear the oppressor. You don't want to go to prison, you don't want to be arrested - and by going to jail you rid yourselves of that fear. Then there is nothing the authorities can do. Once you have rid yourself of the fear of the oppressor and his prisons, his police, his army - then there is nothing they can do. You are liberated!"

Christians often speak about Job in the Bible, who had so much, lost it all and was then restored to full health and abundance. But what is often missed is that Job says of it all: "For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me." Job 3: 25.

Job may have looked like he was doing OK at the start of the book of Job, but the fact is he kept sacrificing religiously because he was greatly afraid! Fear, when submitted to, gives off a scent in the spiritual realms and attracts the enemy (the devil) and gives him access to our lives.

I feared illness and I became very unwell. I feared lack and it came upon me. Now it is not all my fault, but it had a part to play. But as time has worn on I have learnt more and more than I can trust God - He is my friend, He loves me and will never fail me.

We continue to face potential lack of work, lack of funds, health issues, I'm still working through issues to do with abuse, we have serious ongoing family issues, and so on. Fear tries to harass me a lot. But the antidote to fear is to trust in the One who is greater. Sometimes when I feel I am living in darkness, it is not the size of my problem, but simply the shadow of my very large God who stands behind me, to protect me and face the enemy down.

I may feel fear, but I will not fear the oppressor!

And as on our wet, muddy, obstacled walk, I continue to find fun and joy as I journey on, for I am still so very blessed:

Even an obstacle can create an opportunity for fun - we just need the childlike simplicity to see it!