Christmas Angels

Check out Christmas Angel @ibringyougoodnews on Facebook in the U.K. for some encouragement. Fantastic work spreading some joy and encouragement! We were blessed to find/ receive two, each with just the right scripture for the moment 🎄😇

Seasons Greetings

Dear Reader

It has been far too long since my last post, but life has gotten on top of me a bit. I'll write more in the New Year, but until then wanted to wish you and yours a wonderful Christmas and may 2017 bring you peace, joy and some dreams come true.

With love and prayers to you all, and apologies for my absence,

The Anonymous Christian

PS Don't forget you can follow me on Facebook. I'm T A Christian and the page address is:
@theanonchristian

France

As you may know from previous posts we had the privilege of being able to travel to the beautiful Vendee region of France for two weeks during the summer. It was our first 2 week family holiday in 17 years!

I had pondered many times leading up to the holiday, was it worth the cost? It was so incredibly expensive, and yet we weren't exactly living in luxury and had taken our own vehicle across the Channel on a ferry. But I can honestly say that although the cost concerned me, the rest received was well worth it.

We had some issues, which I shall explain in another post, but I have to say that the Vendee region (half way down the West Coast of France) is beautiful. We had deliciously warm weather, and because they are an hour ahead of us, light until around 9 - 9.30pm every evening.

Normally on a one week holiday you unpack, enjoy a few days of rushing about trying to see the local area or do some activity or another, then think about packing again. With two weeks I'd forgotten how much you completely get to unwind.

Here are a few of the things we got to enjoy:

Grapes larger than a thumb and enormous Swiss chocolate bars!

Such an array of cheese, cured meats and pate!

Pastries from the bakery, cakes from McDonalds (yes McDs in France has a cake stand!!) and addictively yummy biccies

We were treated to a glorious sunset over the local town every evening

 

We ate out a few times, but have to admit the golden arches of McDonalds' did call to the children, and out of curiosity we succumbed. But in France you are waitress served (all self serve in the UK), have a far wider selection of sandwiches and salads, and there is even a cake stand (selling my favourite, mini macaroons, as well as a choice of other cakes, cookies and pies!).

The food and vegetable options in the supermarkets were phenomenal, but in fairness the weather in that region is incredibly dry and warm, with little humidity and mild winters. Also we found driving 450+ miles south from Cherbourg the road links in France are amazing.

Mostly we relaxed as a family, either at the shared pool or at one of the many glorious beaches. We played games together and even our eldest son who really likes his own company and is very reluctant to join in with anything at home, asked to join in!

Gloriously sandy beach - this beach had a warm lagoon that we swam in!

Walking along a boardwalk in the sunshine, just before purchasing ice creams

The black dot is a mad family member body boarding in the great surf

One day when walking along the boardwalk above, enjoying ice creams, listening to a band play in one of the many bars we saw some people coming towards us:

Please excuse the circling, that was my daughter editing the photo she sneaked of them as they passed. You certainly don't expect to meet members of the army when walking along a beach front.

It made us painfully aware of how the people of France have been suffering with terrorist attacks, that it is deemed necessary to have the army patrol anywhere that is full of people enjoying themselves. As adults, and parents, we were shocked. Thankfully my youngest and most sensitive son was simply thrilled to have seen an automatic weapon up close. But we do think more of how the French have also been suffering at the hands of terrorists.

We took the holiday half way through our school summer holidays, but with the children involved in a holiday club, our eldest doing a four week citizenship course (which essentially involves them learning how to live off a budget, learn to cook, have fun and raise money for charity, all government funded - it's called NCS), continued health appointments and work, the summer has flown by and we are now feeling the nip of Autumn very much in the air.

I apologise for the lack of posts. With a Facebook page now set up (if I can figure out how to use it from my mobile I'll be ecstatic!) I should be able to do short posts much more regularly. But I can honestly say, yet again, that I have never had such a time in my life where so much is going on at once, all of which seems so out of my hands. So I am glad for the holiday - we needed it, to re-connect as a family and as a couple. Who knows when we shall have another? And I finally found some decent time for God - He even started me dreaming again and began nudging dreams long laid aside in hope deferred (see Proverbs 13:12).

I hope and pray your summer was blessed and that God starts whispering to your heart of dreams that may be long forgotten. For He is the God of the impossible.

And in my prayers I remember those who have suffered so much in France, and also those now suffering so much in Syria. Has there ever been such a time of this? But perhaps that is why God brought us here, to our positions, for such a time as this (see Esther 4: 14)? Perhaps your dream is just what the world needs right now?

The rest that came with the holiday may have passed, but I pray that we all may be able to walk forward in the rest that comes from God (see Hebrews 4:9 - 11 and also Joyce Meyer's article on God's rest: https://www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.aspx?article=living_in_Gods_rest ).

Please do check out my Facebook page (see the post on Facebook, it's my featured post on the right hand side) and follow if you want more timely updates.

With blessings, as always : )

Facebook

Hi : )

At  last I have made it into the world of Facebook. My blog Facebook page can be reached at:

www.facebook.com/theanonchristian

I hope to be able to update my Facebook page with more regular updates and the blog 2 to 3 times a month, so if you'd like to hear more or see what I'm up to, please do check out my Facebook page!

Its header is T A Christian, but don't be confused, it's still me! I would add a direct link via a Facebook widget, but alas, Google and Blogger do not seem to have one!

Happy reading : )

Au Revoir ... for a couple of weeks!

Just a quick post to apologise for yet another far too long absence: I've been unwell, there has been endless end of summer term activities such as my youngest two performing in The Lion King at their school, lots of 'leaver's' events for my youngest son as he leaves his Primary school to move onto Secondary, endless health appointments and Police appointments for ongoing assessments for the children and ongoing court cases and also ... preparing for our first two week holiday and our first holiday abroad in 17 years!!!

Tomorrow we are off to the Vendee region in France! For two weeks! I will actually get to spend some time with my other half and my children, and get some rest!! And there's a swimming pool!

Here's a picture of the beach near where we're going to:

This was just one pic I could find - I'll show you more when I return : )

I hope to be able to do a proper post when I get back (and have unpacked), but I am sorry that I have been AWOL.

There have been some good thins happening though. My eldest daughter has finally been diagnosed with some learning difficulties and some processing problems, which means she should be able to access help in the future with her education and hopefully gain better results in exams. After all, she understands what she is taught but just couldn't seem to be able to get it across in an exam and under pressure.

The diagnosis also means she should get an intermediary that will help her through her court case against her ex boyfriend who was unkind to her (putting it politely). Unfortunately though, that will start when we get back, but on the bright side at least we shall be rested!

Her other court case which involved a man following her and other girls from their college into town and back and making very inappropriate comments has been dropped as he finally pleaded guilty! If he had kept on denying it, it would have had to go to court. However now he has finally admitted it, because he was re-arrested for breaking his bail conditions, he is now in prison and will be out around December/ January time. So it is a great relief to know that we don't have to go through that.

On another positive note we have great things to look forward to. Upon our return we hope to get a new puppy. The children all wanted one for Christmas, but we wanted to wait until it was warmer and until after our holiday. So we shall be busy looking for a little bundle to join our 6 year old black labrador shortly.

And yesterday, after having three computers and two phones with about 20 different log-ons we managed to secure some decent seats for the Harry Potter play in London!!! It is our treat for being married 20 years this year. We shall have a weekend in London, child free! We already had some tickets but they were not very good, so we shall return them. The only down side is that the tickets are for September 2017!! By then we will have been married 21 years, but hey, I hear it's worth the wait.

And shortly we are going to have a child free overnight to ourselves to celebrate this year's anniversary, courtesy of the grandparents, as this year's treat isn't happening until next September!

Life has been the busiest and most ridiculous I have ever known it. But actually, although there have been some low points, God has miraculously sustained us and kept me going with nuggets of encouragement. It's only been little things, like manna, just enough to keep going. But I am really looking forward on holiday getting back in touch with Him properly again too.

And all the time I hear Him gently calling and pulling me into what He created me to do and started speaking to me about approximately 30 years ago, or more! I guess I must be like a good vintage wine or champagne, I get better and more ripe with age (!?). Let's hope so. I am looking forward to see what is ahead ....

But until I return, hopefully with photos to share, au revoir, for now.

And as always, may God bless you richly. I pray for all who may stumble across my humble little blog, that they would really know and experience that God loves them, and that He's moving positively in their lives to get them through whatever they are going through, and that they will come out stronger, better on the other side, and with the ability to help others with what they themselves have learnt. Blessings and love and prayers upon you, always : )

Adele at Glastonbury .... and Happy 4th July!

First of all Happy 4^th July to all in the U.S.A! May you have something to celebrate and be thankful for and may God make this truly your Independence (Freedom!) Day!

These past few weeks I have been feeling new levels of brokenness in my heart. I am not sure if it is the pressure of all the difficulties and challenges I currently have in my life, hormones or a mixture of it all. But almost every day I find what lies ahead too much for more: physically, emotionally, mentally … and I turn to God.

Matthew 21: 44 says: “Anyone who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces; anyone on whom it falls will be crushed.”

Luke 20: 18 says: “Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces; anyone on whom it falls will be crushed.”

The Scriptures are talking about Jesus. I have found that as I have approached God with my weakness and pain I have had a choice: either surrender it to Him and lay myself on the altar daily – offering up my pain and heartache in worship to Him. Or resist and allow my circumstances to crush me. I have chosen to lay myself on the altar, to be a living sacrifice (Romans 12: 1). But I can honestly say that I have never known such depths of loneliness, of brokenness, barrenness and heart literally aching as I have in recent days.

But encouragement, and God can be found in the strangest of places. I happened to catch some of this year’s Glastonbury festival on TV, and the end of the set by Adele on the Pyramid Stage. She spoke about when she wrote the song ‘Someone Like You’:

“This song changed my life. I wrote it when I was obviously miserable (that’s nothing new is it, we all know that!). And I wrote it, and … I wanted a friend in this song. I wanted to feel not so alone, and within a couple of hours of starting to write it on my own, feeling very sorry for myself (I had a bad cold, I was running a bath, all that – trying to get better). And it did it’s job for me. And the song in general, kinda helped me fix myself a little bit. And then, when I started playing it to people that I know and that I love, they started reacting to this song very differently to anything else I’d ever written.

            And then I did it on Jools Holland (a music TV show here in the UK), and then … this ball started getting bigger and bigger and then started rolling. And then I did it at the Brit Awards and then from that moment it completely changed my life. And then nothing’s ever been the same ever since. In amazing ways, and sometimes in strange and weird ways. But this song is the one I feel like if anyone ever remembers me in years to come, that this might be the song they do.”

She went on to say that that moment, on the stage at Glastonbury, was not only the best moment of her completely amazing and stupendous career (my description, she wouldn’t refer to herself like that!), but of her life.

So you see, from great pain and our lowest moments, can come the very thing that changes our lives.

I will write more about that, and the encouragements that God keeps leaving for me – almost like a little trail of breadcrumbs for me to follow, or energy shots and manna to keep me going, soon. But for all those out there who may read this, who have some pain, who maybe stumble across this page by accident – know that it’s not an accident, that perhaps God just brought you here on purpose to speak to you. Perhaps what you are going through, although not from God, may be used by Him and be just the very thing you need to bring out the beauty and gift within.

Perhaps I write this, as Adele did, to ‘find a friend’ in the words. But if you feel pain, or feel alone, or are hurting or face any form of difficulty – know that you are not alone and know that you have a friend. I can understand. And much more than that, God understands, loves you and cares for you – and has a great plan for your life and to get you out of those difficult circumstances. (Jeremiah 29: 11)

As a friend of mine wrote on the beach and the photographed, at a Christian conference:

 

As ever, be blessed : )

The Bumps Are What You Climb On

I have had a blog post written down and in my head for weeks and weeks now. However circumstances have prevented me posting.

It started with a persistent but manageable headache, which turned into possible viral meningitis. For weeks it had been OK with meds, then suddenly one morning I woke with my head feeling as if it would explode, and if I moved it felt as though my brain was slamming against my skull. Weeks later and rather a lot of sleep and medication, and it slowly subsided.

After that I went straight into meetings and my brother and his family visiting from Australia. With three of my children now undergoing testing for learning and educational difficulties, such as autism and processing disorders (which are really affecting their lives), going through a God directed re-mortgage process to sort our difficult finances (we had really been struggling to buy food and meet needs, as I had had to cut back from work due to all the issues and meetings going on, which has been faith stretching and very difficult) and one of my children going through two court cases – one is a dangerous stalker following her and some other female students when off their college campus, the other a case against an ex boyfriend who treated her appallingly, and no less than 6 different hospital referrals and investigations between us, life and circumstances have been overwhelming me.

I felt constantly ill, exhausted and down. So I turned to God wholeheartedly, as when especially ill with my head I was unable to do little apart from sleep and pray.

God has led me to so much that has helped:

He led me to a book called The Bumps Are What You Climb On by Warren W Wiersbe:

‘I don’t know what you are going through just now, but I know some of the feelings you have, because I have been on a bumpy road myself. You feel like quitting, like giving up. You can’t understand why the road doesn’t get easier, why God doesn’t remove the stones and straighten the path. If God did that, you would never get to the top, because the bumps are what you climb on.’ Page 10

Then from Amy Carmichael’s ‘I Come Quietly to Meet You’:

Amy speaks of a time she was suffering: ‘It began when I read a … word from Psalm 105: 18. Speaking of Joseph: ‘[his] feet they hurt with fetters; he was laid in iron’ (KJV). Curious, I looked up this verse in a Greek translation of the Old Testament, where a commentator rendered a different view of this Scripture: “Joseph’s SOUL entered into iron – entered, whole and entire in its resolve to obey God, into the cruel torture.”’

Amy continued by asking herself if she would lay there merely enduring her pain, asking God to remove it or the grace to endure, or would her ‘soul’ willingly enter into the ‘iron’ of this new circumstance.

I felt through all of this God encourage me, but also challenge me. Would I follow His call to go out into the deep with Him, the unknown. Not reluctantly, but in total surrender? It speaks in the Bible of us joining Jesus in His sufferings (not a popular theme, we’d much rather talk miracles and healing). Was I willing to allow the suffering in my life if, although not necessarily directly from God, He wanted to use it to bring iron into my soul, to strengthen me and to ultimately help me climb higher than I’ve  ever been before? Was I willing to offer myself a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1)? Was I willing to completely surrender to His will? Was I willing to wait for healing so that when it came it brought encouragement, hope and faith to as many as possible?

I have been through so much in my life, so many difficulties and hardships (some of which have been appalling) and I have considered and even attempted suicide (many, many years ago). But I have never known a time such as this when the storm, and the difficulties and everything has been so hard and so really, really relentless.

Each time I meet the Police to do with my child’s cases and it becomes a reality again, I cry. When my husband faced cancer, just this past week, I had to surrender my best friend to the Lord (although praise God I did have peace). When I hear of how my two sons deal with autism and profound difficulties daily, I have wept. When my body continues to fall, suffer and be in pain and I am so exhausted I cannot speak, or think or even maintain a decent mood I have literally staggered and crawled before God’s throne in utter despair.

But in my seeking Him out in my pain, I have come to believe there is a higher purpose. And I have finally come to a point where I have surrendered, and continue to surrender, my ALL to Him. I have lain myself on the altar and said ‘Thy will, not mine. Whatever is necessary.’

Listening to praise has helped. And I am finally learning that the best way forward is to make the Holy Spirit, the Father and Jesus your best friend. I now pray as often as I can, Holy Spirit fill me, guide me, God may I work in your strength and not my own.

The Lord is our potter (Isaiah 64: 8). We are His clay. Sometimes the clay needs to be mashed together again, taken apart, mashed again, moulded with heat and pressure. And when finally just right baked in a kiln at a thousand degrees. But in the end His results are always something beautiful and perfect for the use for which it is required.

I am still currently experiencing ill health and exhaustion. All the problems are still there. And my husband and I are so tired and frazzled we barely communicate, and when we do it’s not always that well! However, I can now honestly say, and try to say daily:

Lord, I am yours, a living sacrifice. Do with me as You will. I surrender myself to join with the Lord in His sufferings, trusting that you know best and that you work all things together for the good of those who love you (Romans 8: 28), and that one day I will be something beautiful and useful in your Kingdom. That I shall have, in your time, beauty for ashes. Even if that time is after I’m passed away, and with you in Heaven.

Yes, that means you too : )

Pearls in the Making

Well, it's nearly midnight and instead of winding down or being in bed, I am sat at the dining room table typing this post, whilst listening to my husband watching some dreadful rubbish on TV in the living room next door. I wanted to be in there watching TV, alone, with a cup of tea (and perhaps a valium) to wind down, but he refuses to budge even though he has to get up way earlier than I do tomorrow.

Why is this happening, you may ask? It's because we've had an enormous row. And I don't want to be near him, and he doesn't want to talk to me and is probably enjoying to a certain degree that he got to the TV first.

The argument subject changes, but the problem is always the same. I say something or make a decision he doesn't understand. I try to explain it and he doesn't get it. So I try to explain it again. He has lost interest. Sometimes, like tonight, after he's raised his tone of voice several octaves, he says that he's sorry and can we just put it to one side now. But throughout he won't let me finish a sentence, buts in, says he's got it and talks over me. Tonight I challenged him after a rather fake sounding apology, and he confessed yes, he hadn't meant it at all, he actually thought it was my fault!

The disagreement was over allowing my eldest daughter to walk home after a church meeting by herself late in the evening. It would be daylight still, granted. However she has not one, but two court cases going on at the moment. One about a guy following her and her friends from college into town and back again, making threatening and suggestive comments and basically stalking them, we think to see if he could get one alone and potentially assault them. And another about an ex-boyfriend that abused her.

And then there's the small fact that I was also sexually abused as a child. So yes, I'm a little touchy about her safety right now.

But I feel the real problem is the devil knows I have a real weak spot when it comes to feeling like I'm not being listened to, or being talked over. I grew up in a house where my Mum was mostly out and is one of the un-mumsiest people you could meet. I have never felt that she's been interested in me, because she is so wounded and bitter herself. And my Dad, well he and I could be in a room together and I could be talking to him, and I'd ask him a question and he'd say 'Are you talking to me?' He too was completely disinterested in me.And abused me.

When younger and leaving Junior school there was an award ceremony and I came home with prizes in at least 6 different subjects. I was so keen to get home to show off how well I'd done, in the hope that I'd make them proud. I always sought to do well in the hope of gaining some sense that they were proud of, or pleased with, me. My parents response was to ask who'd I'd taken the awards off and that I'd better give them back.

My brothers too have both told me how worthless and useless I am, many times over the years.

Growing up in that environment was not healthy and certainly does not lead to a healthy self image, or feeling of self worth. Instead I often feel like a non-person, not worth listening to, literally an in-valid.

So, when my husband doesn't listen, actually refuses to listen and tries to shut me down, it really hurts. Do I have a chip on my shoulder? No, more like a gaping wound in my heart. Is God working on it? Yes. Is it fixed yet? No.

But loved this:

             and ...    

My goal is to be able to be in that situation and not get sad, or angry, because God has so healed me in that area that I can completely back down, not care what my husband is saying or doing, and not allow the situation to penetrate my peace. I recognise I cannot change my husband, I can only be responsible for how I react to what is going on around me (and I recognise that I do not always react that well in that situation). And in the meantime pray for God to change me, to heal me, and help me to walk in forgiveness to those he's placed around me, who hurt me (mostly without meaning to).

My goal! From Good, Good Father by Chris Tomlin

That is how pearls are made. A bit of sand or grit somehow makes it way into an oyster. It is an unwanted irritant that remains for some time, and the oyster keeps coating it, until it doesn't irritate or offend any more, but it has become something beautiful.

I can only hope that one day, from these pointless arguments that the devil helps arrange, but God allows (for our benefit, to work on some flaw or irritant), something beautiful will one day, somehow, appear.

Since the argument I've had the song 'Good, Good Father' by Chris Tomlin in my head. I think God is reminding me that He is a good, good parent. He is not like my parents. When I need to talk He is always there and He rarely, if ever, interrupts. And unlike His imperfect human counterparts, as the song says, He is perfect in all of His ways.

 

The storm is calming. Husband has vacated the lounge so I can watch my detective drama in peace and stay away until he is asleep. Could I talk to him? Yes. But honestly, I don't feel it will do anything but make it worse, and this way I can be really immature and demonstrate just how annoyed I am by refusing to go to bed with him. (Good job we don't have a spare room - one of us would often be in it! This way we have to resolve arguments!) Tomorrow will hopefully be a bit better. And the day after that a bit better again. Hope so. Until we're talking again, I have God for company.

Hoping I'm not the only one with trigger points and pointless arguments! Praying my soul bearing may help you in some way. And of course, hope you are blessed : )

Blessings Come In All Shapes and Sizes!

Last time I posted I was on ‘the day in between’ and although still hoping and trusting, having my feet firmly planted on the rock (God), things were pretty tough. I felt battered.

Things are still a bit tough. I guess I’m still processing losing our good friends (see last post). However both my husband and I felt it the right thing to do, to let them go. The Bible speaks about casting your bread upon the waters (Ecclesiastes 11:1) and we feel such a peace, that can only be from God, that we believe that yes, we have done the right thing. I feel as though something has been cut away and it is a bit sore, but am certain that new growth shall spring forth. God did speak to me about our friendships too, which I will share soon, and it encourage me that we had done the right thing.

Because my two sons are on the Autistic/ Aspergers spectrum and we are trying to get help for them I have had to start really researching it, to ensure they get everything they need and we don’t miss anything. However a common theme I have come across is how autistic people struggle to understand other people. Perhaps I am a little autistic myself – people often genuinely boggle me. I even read a book once by a theologian really knowledgeable about Biblical Greek and Hebrew, and he felt that the Bible made it clear that Paul’s thorn in the flesh  (2 Cor 12: 7) was people. That’s why God couldn’t take it away – people will always be there! I often feel ‘different’ or like and outsider, or the person who has a different opinion to everyone else (but often lacking the courage to say it and stand out). I just pray the hurts don’t make me hide away, but that God gives me the courage to stand up more and be myself. We all need to be free to be who God created us to be : )

Money is still a huge leap of faith whilst we await the outcome of a remortgage attempt, especially with three family birthdays in three weeks. And my eldest and her friend were followed back to college from the local town by a very strange chap and the incident had to be reported to the Police and they had to give statements – apparently there have been a number of similar incidents involving other students. What a shame. We continue to pray protection.

However, some blessings since my last post:

I had a positive contact from the wife of the builder who worked here and with whom we fell out. It was a small gesture, but very welcomed.

The NHS (National Health Service) has agreed to see both my boys regarding their autism/ Aspergers – a real breakthrough after 7 months of bashing my head against a brick wall!

College for my eldest is in the process of being sorted and all being well she will have great courses to continue with for the next two years that will still give her an opportunity to become a teacher.

And today was my eldest son’s birthday. Last year he moved school (his choice as he loathes change), mostly because he had no friends. He went from having few friends and spending each break and lunchtime standing on the edge of the woods by himself and having no social life, to today. Today he got 14 friends posting on his Facebook page wishing him a Happy Birthday.

One said: “Happy birthday … you’re my best mate and I couldn’t ask for a better friend.”

Another friend, a lovely, tall lad with amazingly large and mad hair, turned up this morning out of the blue and gave him a card, money and chocolate. He wrote in the birthday card: “Thank you for coming to our school, because if you didn’t I wouldn’t have the most greatest friend anyone could ever ask for.”

My son still chose to have today with just us as a family (mostly spent on the Xbox though, connected to friends), but he has friends that care and he smiled today. A lot. And he is happy today. And he has a small, but great group of friends. For him, with the type of autism he has, that’s like saying he’s climbed Everest.

So whether it be a text, a college course, the NHS or a group of teenagers, we have had blessings since my last post. Blessings really do come in all shapes and sizes. I positively and prayerfully look forward to more good things happening in the days ahead.

I pray that if you are reading this, you will know answered prayer and some different sized blessings too. Hang in there. God is faithful. ‘The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness.’ (2 Peter 3: 9).

May God truly bless you : )