The Bumps Are What You Climb On

I have had a blog post written down and in my head for weeks and weeks now. However circumstances have prevented me posting.

It started with a persistent but manageable headache, which turned into possible viral meningitis. For weeks it had been OK with meds, then suddenly one morning I woke with my head feeling as if it would explode, and if I moved it felt as though my brain was slamming against my skull. Weeks later and rather a lot of sleep and medication, and it slowly subsided.

After that I went straight into meetings and my brother and his family visiting from Australia. With three of my children now undergoing testing for learning and educational difficulties, such as autism and processing disorders (which are really affecting their lives), going through a God directed re-mortgage process to sort our difficult finances (we had really been struggling to buy food and meet needs, as I had had to cut back from work due to all the issues and meetings going on, which has been faith stretching and very difficult) and one of my children going through two court cases – one is a dangerous stalker following her and some other female students when off their college campus, the other a case against an ex boyfriend who treated her appallingly, and no less than 6 different hospital referrals and investigations between us, life and circumstances have been overwhelming me.

I felt constantly ill, exhausted and down. So I turned to God wholeheartedly, as when especially ill with my head I was unable to do little apart from sleep and pray.

God has led me to so much that has helped:

He led me to a book called The Bumps Are What You Climb On by Warren W Wiersbe:

‘I don’t know what you are going through just now, but I know some of the feelings you have, because I have been on a bumpy road myself. You feel like quitting, like giving up. You can’t understand why the road doesn’t get easier, why God doesn’t remove the stones and straighten the path. If God did that, you would never get to the top, because the bumps are what you climb on.’ Page 10

Then from Amy Carmichael’s ‘I Come Quietly to Meet You’:

Amy speaks of a time she was suffering: ‘It began when I read a … word from Psalm 105: 18. Speaking of Joseph: ‘[his] feet they hurt with fetters; he was laid in iron’ (KJV). Curious, I looked up this verse in a Greek translation of the Old Testament, where a commentator rendered a different view of this Scripture: “Joseph’s SOUL entered into iron – entered, whole and entire in its resolve to obey God, into the cruel torture.”’

Amy continued by asking herself if she would lay there merely enduring her pain, asking God to remove it or the grace to endure, or would her ‘soul’ willingly enter into the ‘iron’ of this new circumstance.

I felt through all of this God encourage me, but also challenge me. Would I follow His call to go out into the deep with Him, the unknown. Not reluctantly, but in total surrender? It speaks in the Bible of us joining Jesus in His sufferings (not a popular theme, we’d much rather talk miracles and healing). Was I willing to allow the suffering in my life if, although not necessarily directly from God, He wanted to use it to bring iron into my soul, to strengthen me and to ultimately help me climb higher than I’ve  ever been before? Was I willing to offer myself a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1)? Was I willing to completely surrender to His will? Was I willing to wait for healing so that when it came it brought encouragement, hope and faith to as many as possible?

I have been through so much in my life, so many difficulties and hardships (some of which have been appalling) and I have considered and even attempted suicide (many, many years ago). But I have never known a time such as this when the storm, and the difficulties and everything has been so hard and so really, really relentless.

Each time I meet the Police to do with my child’s cases and it becomes a reality again, I cry. When my husband faced cancer, just this past week, I had to surrender my best friend to the Lord (although praise God I did have peace). When I hear of how my two sons deal with autism and profound difficulties daily, I have wept. When my body continues to fall, suffer and be in pain and I am so exhausted I cannot speak, or think or even maintain a decent mood I have literally staggered and crawled before God’s throne in utter despair.

But in my seeking Him out in my pain, I have come to believe there is a higher purpose. And I have finally come to a point where I have surrendered, and continue to surrender, my ALL to Him. I have lain myself on the altar and said ‘Thy will, not mine. Whatever is necessary.’

Listening to praise has helped. And I am finally learning that the best way forward is to make the Holy Spirit, the Father and Jesus your best friend. I now pray as often as I can, Holy Spirit fill me, guide me, God may I work in your strength and not my own.

The Lord is our potter (Isaiah 64: 8). We are His clay. Sometimes the clay needs to be mashed together again, taken apart, mashed again, moulded with heat and pressure. And when finally just right baked in a kiln at a thousand degrees. But in the end His results are always something beautiful and perfect for the use for which it is required.

I am still currently experiencing ill health and exhaustion. All the problems are still there. And my husband and I are so tired and frazzled we barely communicate, and when we do it’s not always that well! However, I can now honestly say, and try to say daily:

Lord, I am yours, a living sacrifice. Do with me as You will. I surrender myself to join with the Lord in His sufferings, trusting that you know best and that you work all things together for the good of those who love you (Romans 8: 28), and that one day I will be something beautiful and useful in your Kingdom. That I shall have, in your time, beauty for ashes. Even if that time is after I’m passed away, and with you in Heaven.

Yes, that means you too : )