The Narrow Path

I had to make a really hard decision this week. Incredibly hard. Whatever I did it was going to affect people. What to do? In the end I had to follow my gut feeling, that small voice inside and hope for the best. There was hurt, but in the long run I feel the decision will bring benefits all round and God is with us all. But I know now, although incredibly hard, I have a peace that has been missing for so long. 

Matthew 7:14 says 'Small is the gate and narrow the path that leads to life and few find it.' It's talking about becoming a Christian, following Jesus, but also applies here. I chose the narrow path, the difficult path, but am already starting to feel some benefits. Don't choose out of fear. Follow that quiet voice on the inside. Even if it's hard, it'll be worth it.

Don't forget to find me on Facebook. I'm hard to find - even I couldn't find me! But I'm under T A Christian - Blogger @theanonchristian   Look for the glasses and moustache. And no, it's not TheAnon Christian. I need to delete that rubbish attempt at setting it up 😂 Technology gets a bit beyond me and I couldn't sort that one out on my phone then my laptop died! But follow me there too because I do regular quick updates there - I'll be doing slightly more informed on here. 

As always, God Bless and may He guide you in your difficulties and your decisions.

Adele at Glastonbury .... and Happy 4th July!

First of all Happy 4^th July to all in the U.S.A! May you have something to celebrate and be thankful for and may God make this truly your Independence (Freedom!) Day!

These past few weeks I have been feeling new levels of brokenness in my heart. I am not sure if it is the pressure of all the difficulties and challenges I currently have in my life, hormones or a mixture of it all. But almost every day I find what lies ahead too much for more: physically, emotionally, mentally … and I turn to God.

Matthew 21: 44 says: “Anyone who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces; anyone on whom it falls will be crushed.”

Luke 20: 18 says: “Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces; anyone on whom it falls will be crushed.”

The Scriptures are talking about Jesus. I have found that as I have approached God with my weakness and pain I have had a choice: either surrender it to Him and lay myself on the altar daily – offering up my pain and heartache in worship to Him. Or resist and allow my circumstances to crush me. I have chosen to lay myself on the altar, to be a living sacrifice (Romans 12: 1). But I can honestly say that I have never known such depths of loneliness, of brokenness, barrenness and heart literally aching as I have in recent days.

But encouragement, and God can be found in the strangest of places. I happened to catch some of this year’s Glastonbury festival on TV, and the end of the set by Adele on the Pyramid Stage. She spoke about when she wrote the song ‘Someone Like You’:

“This song changed my life. I wrote it when I was obviously miserable (that’s nothing new is it, we all know that!). And I wrote it, and … I wanted a friend in this song. I wanted to feel not so alone, and within a couple of hours of starting to write it on my own, feeling very sorry for myself (I had a bad cold, I was running a bath, all that – trying to get better). And it did it’s job for me. And the song in general, kinda helped me fix myself a little bit. And then, when I started playing it to people that I know and that I love, they started reacting to this song very differently to anything else I’d ever written.

            And then I did it on Jools Holland (a music TV show here in the UK), and then … this ball started getting bigger and bigger and then started rolling. And then I did it at the Brit Awards and then from that moment it completely changed my life. And then nothing’s ever been the same ever since. In amazing ways, and sometimes in strange and weird ways. But this song is the one I feel like if anyone ever remembers me in years to come, that this might be the song they do.”

She went on to say that that moment, on the stage at Glastonbury, was not only the best moment of her completely amazing and stupendous career (my description, she wouldn’t refer to herself like that!), but of her life.

So you see, from great pain and our lowest moments, can come the very thing that changes our lives.

I will write more about that, and the encouragements that God keeps leaving for me – almost like a little trail of breadcrumbs for me to follow, or energy shots and manna to keep me going, soon. But for all those out there who may read this, who have some pain, who maybe stumble across this page by accident – know that it’s not an accident, that perhaps God just brought you here on purpose to speak to you. Perhaps what you are going through, although not from God, may be used by Him and be just the very thing you need to bring out the beauty and gift within.

Perhaps I write this, as Adele did, to ‘find a friend’ in the words. But if you feel pain, or feel alone, or are hurting or face any form of difficulty – know that you are not alone and know that you have a friend. I can understand. And much more than that, God understands, loves you and cares for you – and has a great plan for your life and to get you out of those difficult circumstances. (Jeremiah 29: 11)

As a friend of mine wrote on the beach and the photographed, at a Christian conference:

 

As ever, be blessed : )

The Bumps Are What You Climb On

I have had a blog post written down and in my head for weeks and weeks now. However circumstances have prevented me posting.

It started with a persistent but manageable headache, which turned into possible viral meningitis. For weeks it had been OK with meds, then suddenly one morning I woke with my head feeling as if it would explode, and if I moved it felt as though my brain was slamming against my skull. Weeks later and rather a lot of sleep and medication, and it slowly subsided.

After that I went straight into meetings and my brother and his family visiting from Australia. With three of my children now undergoing testing for learning and educational difficulties, such as autism and processing disorders (which are really affecting their lives), going through a God directed re-mortgage process to sort our difficult finances (we had really been struggling to buy food and meet needs, as I had had to cut back from work due to all the issues and meetings going on, which has been faith stretching and very difficult) and one of my children going through two court cases – one is a dangerous stalker following her and some other female students when off their college campus, the other a case against an ex boyfriend who treated her appallingly, and no less than 6 different hospital referrals and investigations between us, life and circumstances have been overwhelming me.

I felt constantly ill, exhausted and down. So I turned to God wholeheartedly, as when especially ill with my head I was unable to do little apart from sleep and pray.

God has led me to so much that has helped:

He led me to a book called The Bumps Are What You Climb On by Warren W Wiersbe:

‘I don’t know what you are going through just now, but I know some of the feelings you have, because I have been on a bumpy road myself. You feel like quitting, like giving up. You can’t understand why the road doesn’t get easier, why God doesn’t remove the stones and straighten the path. If God did that, you would never get to the top, because the bumps are what you climb on.’ Page 10

Then from Amy Carmichael’s ‘I Come Quietly to Meet You’:

Amy speaks of a time she was suffering: ‘It began when I read a … word from Psalm 105: 18. Speaking of Joseph: ‘[his] feet they hurt with fetters; he was laid in iron’ (KJV). Curious, I looked up this verse in a Greek translation of the Old Testament, where a commentator rendered a different view of this Scripture: “Joseph’s SOUL entered into iron – entered, whole and entire in its resolve to obey God, into the cruel torture.”’

Amy continued by asking herself if she would lay there merely enduring her pain, asking God to remove it or the grace to endure, or would her ‘soul’ willingly enter into the ‘iron’ of this new circumstance.

I felt through all of this God encourage me, but also challenge me. Would I follow His call to go out into the deep with Him, the unknown. Not reluctantly, but in total surrender? It speaks in the Bible of us joining Jesus in His sufferings (not a popular theme, we’d much rather talk miracles and healing). Was I willing to allow the suffering in my life if, although not necessarily directly from God, He wanted to use it to bring iron into my soul, to strengthen me and to ultimately help me climb higher than I’ve  ever been before? Was I willing to offer myself a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1)? Was I willing to completely surrender to His will? Was I willing to wait for healing so that when it came it brought encouragement, hope and faith to as many as possible?

I have been through so much in my life, so many difficulties and hardships (some of which have been appalling) and I have considered and even attempted suicide (many, many years ago). But I have never known a time such as this when the storm, and the difficulties and everything has been so hard and so really, really relentless.

Each time I meet the Police to do with my child’s cases and it becomes a reality again, I cry. When my husband faced cancer, just this past week, I had to surrender my best friend to the Lord (although praise God I did have peace). When I hear of how my two sons deal with autism and profound difficulties daily, I have wept. When my body continues to fall, suffer and be in pain and I am so exhausted I cannot speak, or think or even maintain a decent mood I have literally staggered and crawled before God’s throne in utter despair.

But in my seeking Him out in my pain, I have come to believe there is a higher purpose. And I have finally come to a point where I have surrendered, and continue to surrender, my ALL to Him. I have lain myself on the altar and said ‘Thy will, not mine. Whatever is necessary.’

Listening to praise has helped. And I am finally learning that the best way forward is to make the Holy Spirit, the Father and Jesus your best friend. I now pray as often as I can, Holy Spirit fill me, guide me, God may I work in your strength and not my own.

The Lord is our potter (Isaiah 64: 8). We are His clay. Sometimes the clay needs to be mashed together again, taken apart, mashed again, moulded with heat and pressure. And when finally just right baked in a kiln at a thousand degrees. But in the end His results are always something beautiful and perfect for the use for which it is required.

I am still currently experiencing ill health and exhaustion. All the problems are still there. And my husband and I are so tired and frazzled we barely communicate, and when we do it’s not always that well! However, I can now honestly say, and try to say daily:

Lord, I am yours, a living sacrifice. Do with me as You will. I surrender myself to join with the Lord in His sufferings, trusting that you know best and that you work all things together for the good of those who love you (Romans 8: 28), and that one day I will be something beautiful and useful in your Kingdom. That I shall have, in your time, beauty for ashes. Even if that time is after I’m passed away, and with you in Heaven.

Yes, that means you too : )