When I last wrote I had been feeling unwell with a horrible virus that caused a great deal of pain and lethargy, as well as generally feeling quite unwell and therefore rather useless. I had however been feeling that I was coming out of it.
Generally I do think that's true - my body seemed to be recovering reasonably well. I seemed to improve most days, with a couple of exceptions, and that's awesome because it demonstrates how my immune system has progressed. However my recovery coincided with half-term and all the children being off school. In one way that was good because there was less running around to do and no school runs. In another way it was not quite so good because I had planned rather a lot of visitors, so as well as trying to get back on top of the washing (as spoken about and pictured in my post before last) and housework, we did rather a lot of entertaining.
As I have children at two different schools, my younger ones seldom have friends over for tea as our school runs simply can't accommodate extras. So half term was a good time for them to have some friends over and some decent play-time (during which I discovered 9 year old boys can actually shriek and scream higher pitched than my daughters and their friends). I had also encouraged my older two to invite some friends over during half term, because their school is quite a drive from our home, so socialising outside of school is rare and they spend large volumes of time in their bedrooms - sometimes getting them out to do anything is a struggle. My eldest daughter also had some friend issues that needed working through, so getting her to socialise and strengthen good friendships is very important at the moment and my eldest son also has mild autism/ Aspergers, so socialising is a good thing for him.
One evening we had 10 kids for tea, 8 overnight and for breakfast, and 6 for the following day. We also had other visitors for the whole day one Saturday. During my virus recovery I worked out we cooked/ provided 28 extra meals!
As for the washing so far I have produced:
Plus two more baskets of clean washing, one overflowing basket of clean socks and underwear and another two baskets of ironing, plus shirts and skirts. And two of the washing baskets are still fairly full!
Plus when we had visitors last Saturday for the day we did a big clean and tidy up all round the house, as my friend is one of many friends I seem to have accumulated that appear to have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) when it comes to cleaning - their houses are immaculate! And I mean, spotless and not a thing out of place, even the books are in order. So my insecurities of 3 years of accumulated mess from being ill kinda caught up with me and I cleaned, in spite of not really feeling up to it.
Well, by Saturday evening when they left, I felt pretty dreadful - worse in fact than I have felt in a very long time. I had totally overdone it, but I can't help but wonder if my fear of what my friend thought of my house and my pride and lack of wisdom over-riding good sense and acknowledging I wasn't up to cleaning also allowed the devil a foothold to come in. Whatever it was I have had a tough week, been exhausted and been back on small doses of medication.
So I have spent some time with the Lord, seeking His wisdom on the matter. In that sense it has been a great week. I have felt Him talking to me a lot, some of which I shall share over the coming week. But I have also become aware that, as so often happens with me when unwell, I had sunk into 'stinking thinking' again. I had become very negative, a bit grumpy, lacking in patience and feeling that perhaps I would always be unwell. I had also started to slip into self-pity. And on all of that I felt God speak to me and lay His hand on it, encouraging me to 'get up off my mat' (see John 5: 8).
Anyone who has been unwell, especially for a long time, or suffered with any form of negativity, can testify that one of the hardest things to do is to pick yourself up, give yourself a good talking to and start actively believing positively once more. It is such a huge, almost tangible effort. Like fighting depression - it can seem impossible. But I quickly realised that if I was to succeed, self-pity was a luxury I could not afford.
So I have read God's word, I have started speaking it out loud (declaring it) once again, I have been praying and trying to kick the negative thoughts out, and I have been trying to think positive thoughts on purpose. And I can see small but tangible evidence that the tide is turning again for the better.
In Matthew Chapter 4 there are several parables that Jesus told about seed being sown and then growing. One interpretation is that this seed is God's Word (the Bible) being sown into the human heart, and then growing to produce faith. Once you have the faith, then you know the answer to your prayers is coming for sure (Hebrews 11: 1). I have actively been sowing those seeds about healing and health, as well as a great future. And I can see that they are growing.
I truly believe God has purchased my freedom in every way. And although this week has been very hard and challenging, especially in terms of health (and finance, as the exhaust on our big car went yesterday - another unexpected £175 to pay out next week!), I know that I'm on the winning team, my health is secured and my future is awesome. And trust me, it has taken a lot of fighting this week to get back to a point where I could say that again with any sincerity!
I hope to share more of what God's been saying later this week. But I hope that as I have been sharing my experiences of learning to clean up my thinking and my declarations (as well as my house!), God would encourage you that any situation in your life, no matter how seemingly impossible, can be cleared up too. Be blessed : )
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