Well, it's proving to be another challenging week, with our faith and trust being stretched once again.
I had a pretty poor weekend overall with my health very poor and unable to do much. I managed to work through it on Monday as it was my one day of scheduled work this week. I felt I needed to push on as we could do with the money - actual paid work has almost dried up for me at the moment, which has obviously affected our income greatly.
Yesterday and today I have at least slept better and been able to sleep in. But I have had the return of almost constant nausea and inability to eat, plus zero energy and almost constant niggling migraine and feeling pretty awful. It has been like a return to the 'bad old days'. I was due to meet up with a friend tomorrow, but like the friend I was supposed to meet last Friday I have had to cancel. I am so used to cancelling now that I am almost resigned to it. I recognise that it is beyond my control, but it still feels like a defeat and I'm constantly aware that I'm letting someone down. And the ill health and constant cancellations do seem to take their toll, not helped by a lack of energy as I cannot eat.
On top of this I sat down with my husband last night and we went through his diary to plan work, and it became apparent that the week after next he had run out of work. There were a couple of days planned in for that week, but nothing more. We do have people asking for quotes for various things, but one we cannot get hold of now and the others will take time to go and look before quoting, and then time for the potential customers to consider. Obviously when self-employed no work = no money, and with the prospect of Christmas and additional time off without pay over Christmas, things are looking a little rough.
So, on the face of it, things are pretty difficult, healthwise, financially and work, as well as a number of other things going on at the moment to do with the children and family.
It is at times like this that I am so grateful that I have God to turn to. I don't have all the answers, but I know He does. The Bible says that He is our heavenely Father, our Dad, our Papa. The Bible also speaks of God as caring for us like a Mother. For me that still presents difficulties in trust and receiving and believing His love, because of experiences with my own very human, very broken parents. But I believe with all my heart that these present situations we face are not only an opportunity for us to step out in trust, holding His hand, but also opportunities for God to show us how much He truly does love and care for us.
I read recently about Chuck Yeager, the first pilot to break the sound barrier. Apparently others had tried before but the plane began to shake so much as it approached the sound barrier that they all finally drew back in fear it would break up. Yeager succeeded because when he reached that stage of shaking, noise and fear, he pushed through, believing that if he broke through the sound barrier the shaking and vibration would stop. He was right. After breaking through the barrier, and probably his own fear, peace reigned!
God has spoken to me so much through this example. All my life I have felt the desire to push for better. This extends to my Christian life. I do not want to simply be healed of what is going on right now, but I want to be the healthiest person you have ever met, whose health is completely dependable, constant and reliable. I do not want to simply be debt free and prosperous financially, or ticking over in business, but I want to be so prosperous that I do not have to ever think of, or be concerned about finance, ever again. I want businesses that prosper, but also bless people all over the world, point them to God and are globally succesful. And so on ...
I realise that these things take a little longer to break into, than simpler more straighforward prayer requests. And with the responsibility that would come with so much blessing, I need to have a deeper foundation with God to be able to handle it.
So, even though everything around me is shaking, and sometimes I too shake and quake a little with fear of what may be around the corner, I am pressing through the vibrations and fear to the peace beyond. I am planting my seed of faith, as small as it may be, into God, trusting that we will reap healing, provision and prosperity. (Luke 13: 18 - 19; Mark 4: 30 - 32; Matthew 13: 31 - 32; Luke 17: 6). And as the Bible says, I have to choose to walk by faith and not by what I can see going on around me (2 Corinithians 5: 7), because for me there is no other way. The only other option would be to worry, and what good would that do me? Instead I choose to trust, to the best of my ability, and wait for God's deliverance.
Having said all that, last night I was very tired and had to plan next week's meals and do a food shop whilst unable to eat and feeling nauseous and awful. It was difficult. Plus I was tired. So I had a wobble. I was OK until my husband, recognising I was quiet, offered a cuddle. Then I had a bit of a cry. It did help though. I am, after all, only human and have to have moments from time to time.
But even I can see how blessed I am to be able to purchase food, to be able to know where the next meal is coming from (believe me, I have had times where I haven't known and had no money at all), and to have a husband who offers cuddles. Having had times where I have lacked all those things I remain very grateful.
I will seek to update the blog as God moves in all these situations. But for all those who face uncertainty, difficulty or problems, especially in this Thanksgiving season and as we approach Christmas, I pray you will be able to 'break through' to a place where you know God's peace and His provision and love. Christmas, after all, is the biggest miracle and expression of love, of all.
With love, prayers and blessings : )
PS: Before I could upost this I had to pop out and do the school run. When coming back with 5 children in the car we passed through a 30 miles per hour zone. I was caught up in conversation and therefore driving at very slightly over 30 miles per hour. It was only then that I noticed the policeman with the speed camera, and realised that my momentary lapse of concentration has probably cost me £80 - £90 and a day out at a speed awareness course, or £60, 3 points on my license and increased insurance. At the same time I got a very stressful text from someone I do the occasional lift share to and from children's activities with. Yay! More shaking and pressure, but hopefully soon I will break through to peace ... : )
Wednesday, 27 November 2013
Saturday, 23 November 2013
A Meaningful Life or Cory Monteith
I apologise for the lack of posts of late. It has been a challenging time and I've not been up to posting much. Sometimes because of acute busyness and a lot on my plate, sometimes because my body has had enough and I have to crash. I can see things are generally heading in an upward trend, for which I am so grateful, and I must keep trusting that things will continue to go that way. In fact I do believe with all my heart that overall I will see improvements, progress and a positive outlook in every way. I just have to hang onto that when the challenges come.
The week began last weekend when it was one of my children's birthdays. For me that meant people coming over to visit. No big deal really in the grand scheme of things, but for me a real challenge. I used to clean and tidy my house top to bottom every weekend when I was first married, but as we had more children and we attempted more home improvements, things started to slide. And then, since being unwell for the past two years so that even the essentials became a challenge - well, you can imagine the mess. It seems as soon as I tidy one area or put one load of things away, somebody will get out a whole load more. And its not helped by a lack of consistent health or ability to tackle it. It isn't at hoarding level, unable to get through a room, but in my eyes it is really awful. I have learnt to switch off from it a little, as when I'm unwell or really time constrained there is very little I can do about it, but deep down it does bother me.
So, last weekend, instead of doing something useful like trying to complete a bathroom which has taken 18 months so far (I see light at the end of the tunnel, but it is a standing joke now that we'll never complete it, and it has all but demolished my hope of achieving anything more in the house - and believe me, there is a lot to do!), we had a big tidy up session. This was closely followed by all day doing birthday type things and the following day entertaining. One of the guests was my Mum, which in itself is a challenge. I love her, I long for a relationship with her, but she's been damaged by her early years and well, lets just say she is very challenging.
The week continued with a long session at the dentist on Monday, as toothache had developed, to which I had to take my youngest two as their school was closed for the day. Sitting in a chair, being drilled in two teeth whilst your kids sit on the floor and get steadily louder ... well, it was another challenge. That was followed by shopping with them. I was pretty tired when I got home.
Tuesday I got to have lunch with a good friend. It was lovely and I really enjoyed it. But I'd not slept well for the past four or five days and was starting to feel a bit unwell. Going out to eat is also one of my biggest challenges as it's one of the places I repeatedly fell unwell most regularly. I must confess I find it really hard that even events that I am looking forward to bring out such a strong stress response in my body that I cannot control no matter what. I am further along than I was, but I still find that I have to throw myself on the Lord and ask Him to sustain me and give me strength as I feel almost completely helpless. It exemplifies my ongoing battle with frustration!
Wednesday and Thursday were difficult mornings as on both days I had to meet with psychologists regarding my sons. On Wednesday I had to get to the Dr's early to collect my eldest son and take him to school after a scheduled appointment with a psychologist to help him with ongoing anxiety issues related to recently spotted Autism/ Aspergers and Autistic traits/ tendencies. However, when I turned up I was asked in for an extended (and unexpected) chat.
The following morning (Thursday) I had a very involved meeting with a team of educational psychologists to see how my youngest son can be helped to achieve as much as possible in his education despite Autism/ Aspergers.
Both meetings were involved and exhausting. They are hard because these days so much emphasis seems to be put upon parents to make decisions. What do I think? What are the most pertinent issues? How do I feel they would be best helped?Although I am really pleased to have such an input and involvement, we are there at these meetings because we are obviously not equipped to deal with the issues facing our children and we have therefore sought expert opinion. I therefore do not wish to be bombarded with questions - I am there instead for answers!
It also cannot be underestimated just how hard it is as a Mum (especially a tired, under the weather, not sleeping very well Mum) to sit in a room listening to people talk about just how challenging and anxiety ridden the world is for your child. I sat there on Thursday morning, both grateful for the help and advice being offered, but yet feeling so fragile and small, suddenly aware of how 'different' (I like to think 'unique' : ) ) my son is. I was a little overwhelmed, to say the least!
After all the fun of the week I started to get yet another migraine. Thankfully I had been to the Dr's the day before to see if he could prescribe some different medication to deal with migraines. He had. I had asked the Dr if it would make me feel drowsy. 'Oh no,' he'd replied. 'They're very effective at being able to stop migraines in their tracks.' 'Fabulous,' I thought. I took one of these new tablets just before my husband took our eldest out for the evening. It didn't make me feel drowsy - instead I wondered if perhaps I was dying. It brought on the most peculiar and unpleasant symptoms I've ever had from a tablet and was rendered completely useless, sprawled on the sofa, inanimate. I felt so sick I was reaching for a bucket, but unable to communicate properly with anyone. Very scary! Thankfully it wore off after about an hour and a half and I could speak again, but I still feel a bit wobbly from it today. I suppose, looking on the bright side, my headache did go!
Yesterday despite feeling a bit wobbly after a stressful week and the tablet episode I did go to work. Work has dropped off rather a lot at the moment, and therefore my hours have reduced. My husband's hours are also less as much of the work is still outside and as we're on daylight saving the day ends about 4pm when it is dark. We are therefore noticing a big reduction in cash flow, just before Christmas and a large payout for a ski trip for our eldest (which we said she could go on in faith, believing God would provide).
Today, Saturday, I hoped to garden. But I had a rotten night's sleep again and after the full on week, my body said 'No more!' and refused to function. I've felt wobblier than I have for ages. But then I look back and I realise, is it any wonder? Every day, every week, is full of challenges for me. I used to take for granted so many things, like popping out with a friend, doing the school run or simply having an appetite. No all those things present often mountainous challenges. I used to be grateful for my four healthy in every way children, yet in the course of a year my eldest has had full on emotional issues, both sons have been discovered to probably be Autistic or have Aspergers, and my youngest has possibly got mild dyslexia. Add onto that a difficult Mum, other serious wider family issues, healing from abuse, long term ill health, debt and financial pressures and running a home and two businesses and I realise that no wonder life can be a challenge or wear me out so much. But I also realise, so very very clearly now that if it were not for God I would not be able to stand it or cope.
Even in the mess God was there: Monday I'd had little sleep the night before, yet after prayer I felt surprisingly good all day and the dentist refused to charge me anything for the repairs! Tuesday, with God's help, I could manage my symptoms and still enjoy time with my friend and encourage her to pursue her dreams.Wednesday and Thursday I was able to pray in the car and talk over my fears, hopes and concerns for my children with my heavenly Dad, and know His peace despite feeling so small and overwhelmed. Thursday evening even whilst experiencing such horrible side effects of medication designed to help, even though trapped inside my body once again, I knew it would pass and I would be OK. Friday God kept me going so I could earn some money and, considering, I didn't feel too bad.
And He's with me now. My life is a complete pickle in so many ways, yet I know He will somehow make sense of it.
I asked God this week about my illness and why he'd allowed me to get ill. I felt Him say as quick as a flash, 'Because it gave you something specific to fight'. Is this illness from Him? No. But has He used it for my benefit? Yes, most definitely. I would not be where I am, as internally healed and put together or as close to Him as I am, without it. It has given me something specific to fight against and has brought about substantial inner healing from trauma and related issues. The illness was intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done. (Genesis 50: 20)
I could see that idea at work this week in my garden. We have an acer whose leaves go the most beautiful red when the sun shines on them.
However, if the tree is to be beautiful next year too, and bring forth new life, those leaves must wither and fall, until the tree is bare.
It is the same principal in our lives. If new life is to come forth, then the old things must pass away to make room.
In so many ways my life may seem a little hopeless, a little fruitless, and perhaps a little barren. But ...
This afternoon as I took some time out to recover from the heavy week I sat and watched the TV series Glee with my two girls. We love the singing mainly and the silliness of it. But today it was serious. It was the episode where they said goodbye to one of the main characters Finn, played by the actor Cory Monteith who sadly died of a drugs overdose earlier this year. It was so sad. It breaks my heart that someone so young, so gifted, felt they needed drugs to get by. I understand addiction and have dealt with it myself (although not with drugs), and I understand what it is to feel broken and in need of being fixed. And now I know what it is to be made whole. If only Cory had known the same.
But it made me realise, ultimately all any of us want is a meaningful life. We want to leave a legacy behind when we die. We want to be remembered (and not for an unintentional mistake, like an accidental overdose). We want to leave the world better for us having been here ...
Years ago I felt God speak to me of some dreams and plans for my life - better than anything I could have conjured up or imagined. After much prayer and meditation I received the dreams as being from God. But since then anything but those dreams have occurred, in fact the complete opposite! It's like circumstances have pulled me far away from those visions. But in the same way that the beautiful acer makes way for new growth my letting go, I realise I must also let go.
I have striven to make my dreams come true, but I cannot. They are God's plans and visions for me. I need to focus on getting better and doing the things I love. I need to release it all to Him. I need to be a Mum, and a wife and have a relationship with God, trusting Him daily for everything. Then I can look after the businesses and write and perhaps one day, in God's timing, move towards the dreams again, perhaps even catapult towards them when the time is right.
But when you push too hard you can have a Cory Monteith : ( Instead I need to hold out my hand again, try to maintain my posture of trust in Him and just take it a day at a time.
New growth is coming. But it's in His timing.
Today I pray for all those who perhaps suffer with long term illness, or the illness of addiction as Cory did. And I pray instead of being overwhelmed, people would know that there is One who would seek to pull them from the mire and the depths, clean them up and make them whole again. And on the way to wholeness will be beside you everyday (even if you can't always feel Him), no matter what.
And for those who perhaps don't need as much fixing, who are a bit more 'together' than I am/ have been, I pray that you will get to know God anyway, for the one true love of your life and as the one who will give your life true meaning.
Hopefully it won't be so long before I am able to blog again! Have a great week and God bless : )
The week began last weekend when it was one of my children's birthdays. For me that meant people coming over to visit. No big deal really in the grand scheme of things, but for me a real challenge. I used to clean and tidy my house top to bottom every weekend when I was first married, but as we had more children and we attempted more home improvements, things started to slide. And then, since being unwell for the past two years so that even the essentials became a challenge - well, you can imagine the mess. It seems as soon as I tidy one area or put one load of things away, somebody will get out a whole load more. And its not helped by a lack of consistent health or ability to tackle it. It isn't at hoarding level, unable to get through a room, but in my eyes it is really awful. I have learnt to switch off from it a little, as when I'm unwell or really time constrained there is very little I can do about it, but deep down it does bother me.
So, last weekend, instead of doing something useful like trying to complete a bathroom which has taken 18 months so far (I see light at the end of the tunnel, but it is a standing joke now that we'll never complete it, and it has all but demolished my hope of achieving anything more in the house - and believe me, there is a lot to do!), we had a big tidy up session. This was closely followed by all day doing birthday type things and the following day entertaining. One of the guests was my Mum, which in itself is a challenge. I love her, I long for a relationship with her, but she's been damaged by her early years and well, lets just say she is very challenging.
The week continued with a long session at the dentist on Monday, as toothache had developed, to which I had to take my youngest two as their school was closed for the day. Sitting in a chair, being drilled in two teeth whilst your kids sit on the floor and get steadily louder ... well, it was another challenge. That was followed by shopping with them. I was pretty tired when I got home.
Tuesday I got to have lunch with a good friend. It was lovely and I really enjoyed it. But I'd not slept well for the past four or five days and was starting to feel a bit unwell. Going out to eat is also one of my biggest challenges as it's one of the places I repeatedly fell unwell most regularly. I must confess I find it really hard that even events that I am looking forward to bring out such a strong stress response in my body that I cannot control no matter what. I am further along than I was, but I still find that I have to throw myself on the Lord and ask Him to sustain me and give me strength as I feel almost completely helpless. It exemplifies my ongoing battle with frustration!
Wednesday and Thursday were difficult mornings as on both days I had to meet with psychologists regarding my sons. On Wednesday I had to get to the Dr's early to collect my eldest son and take him to school after a scheduled appointment with a psychologist to help him with ongoing anxiety issues related to recently spotted Autism/ Aspergers and Autistic traits/ tendencies. However, when I turned up I was asked in for an extended (and unexpected) chat.
The following morning (Thursday) I had a very involved meeting with a team of educational psychologists to see how my youngest son can be helped to achieve as much as possible in his education despite Autism/ Aspergers.
Both meetings were involved and exhausting. They are hard because these days so much emphasis seems to be put upon parents to make decisions. What do I think? What are the most pertinent issues? How do I feel they would be best helped?Although I am really pleased to have such an input and involvement, we are there at these meetings because we are obviously not equipped to deal with the issues facing our children and we have therefore sought expert opinion. I therefore do not wish to be bombarded with questions - I am there instead for answers!
It also cannot be underestimated just how hard it is as a Mum (especially a tired, under the weather, not sleeping very well Mum) to sit in a room listening to people talk about just how challenging and anxiety ridden the world is for your child. I sat there on Thursday morning, both grateful for the help and advice being offered, but yet feeling so fragile and small, suddenly aware of how 'different' (I like to think 'unique' : ) ) my son is. I was a little overwhelmed, to say the least!
After all the fun of the week I started to get yet another migraine. Thankfully I had been to the Dr's the day before to see if he could prescribe some different medication to deal with migraines. He had. I had asked the Dr if it would make me feel drowsy. 'Oh no,' he'd replied. 'They're very effective at being able to stop migraines in their tracks.' 'Fabulous,' I thought. I took one of these new tablets just before my husband took our eldest out for the evening. It didn't make me feel drowsy - instead I wondered if perhaps I was dying. It brought on the most peculiar and unpleasant symptoms I've ever had from a tablet and was rendered completely useless, sprawled on the sofa, inanimate. I felt so sick I was reaching for a bucket, but unable to communicate properly with anyone. Very scary! Thankfully it wore off after about an hour and a half and I could speak again, but I still feel a bit wobbly from it today. I suppose, looking on the bright side, my headache did go!
Yesterday despite feeling a bit wobbly after a stressful week and the tablet episode I did go to work. Work has dropped off rather a lot at the moment, and therefore my hours have reduced. My husband's hours are also less as much of the work is still outside and as we're on daylight saving the day ends about 4pm when it is dark. We are therefore noticing a big reduction in cash flow, just before Christmas and a large payout for a ski trip for our eldest (which we said she could go on in faith, believing God would provide).
Today, Saturday, I hoped to garden. But I had a rotten night's sleep again and after the full on week, my body said 'No more!' and refused to function. I've felt wobblier than I have for ages. But then I look back and I realise, is it any wonder? Every day, every week, is full of challenges for me. I used to take for granted so many things, like popping out with a friend, doing the school run or simply having an appetite. No all those things present often mountainous challenges. I used to be grateful for my four healthy in every way children, yet in the course of a year my eldest has had full on emotional issues, both sons have been discovered to probably be Autistic or have Aspergers, and my youngest has possibly got mild dyslexia. Add onto that a difficult Mum, other serious wider family issues, healing from abuse, long term ill health, debt and financial pressures and running a home and two businesses and I realise that no wonder life can be a challenge or wear me out so much. But I also realise, so very very clearly now that if it were not for God I would not be able to stand it or cope.
Even in the mess God was there: Monday I'd had little sleep the night before, yet after prayer I felt surprisingly good all day and the dentist refused to charge me anything for the repairs! Tuesday, with God's help, I could manage my symptoms and still enjoy time with my friend and encourage her to pursue her dreams.Wednesday and Thursday I was able to pray in the car and talk over my fears, hopes and concerns for my children with my heavenly Dad, and know His peace despite feeling so small and overwhelmed. Thursday evening even whilst experiencing such horrible side effects of medication designed to help, even though trapped inside my body once again, I knew it would pass and I would be OK. Friday God kept me going so I could earn some money and, considering, I didn't feel too bad.
And He's with me now. My life is a complete pickle in so many ways, yet I know He will somehow make sense of it.
I asked God this week about my illness and why he'd allowed me to get ill. I felt Him say as quick as a flash, 'Because it gave you something specific to fight'. Is this illness from Him? No. But has He used it for my benefit? Yes, most definitely. I would not be where I am, as internally healed and put together or as close to Him as I am, without it. It has given me something specific to fight against and has brought about substantial inner healing from trauma and related issues. The illness was intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done. (Genesis 50: 20)
I could see that idea at work this week in my garden. We have an acer whose leaves go the most beautiful red when the sun shines on them.
In so many ways my life may seem a little hopeless, a little fruitless, and perhaps a little barren. But ...
This afternoon as I took some time out to recover from the heavy week I sat and watched the TV series Glee with my two girls. We love the singing mainly and the silliness of it. But today it was serious. It was the episode where they said goodbye to one of the main characters Finn, played by the actor Cory Monteith who sadly died of a drugs overdose earlier this year. It was so sad. It breaks my heart that someone so young, so gifted, felt they needed drugs to get by. I understand addiction and have dealt with it myself (although not with drugs), and I understand what it is to feel broken and in need of being fixed. And now I know what it is to be made whole. If only Cory had known the same.
But it made me realise, ultimately all any of us want is a meaningful life. We want to leave a legacy behind when we die. We want to be remembered (and not for an unintentional mistake, like an accidental overdose). We want to leave the world better for us having been here ...
Years ago I felt God speak to me of some dreams and plans for my life - better than anything I could have conjured up or imagined. After much prayer and meditation I received the dreams as being from God. But since then anything but those dreams have occurred, in fact the complete opposite! It's like circumstances have pulled me far away from those visions. But in the same way that the beautiful acer makes way for new growth my letting go, I realise I must also let go.
I have striven to make my dreams come true, but I cannot. They are God's plans and visions for me. I need to focus on getting better and doing the things I love. I need to release it all to Him. I need to be a Mum, and a wife and have a relationship with God, trusting Him daily for everything. Then I can look after the businesses and write and perhaps one day, in God's timing, move towards the dreams again, perhaps even catapult towards them when the time is right.
But when you push too hard you can have a Cory Monteith : ( Instead I need to hold out my hand again, try to maintain my posture of trust in Him and just take it a day at a time.
New growth is coming. But it's in His timing.
Today I pray for all those who perhaps suffer with long term illness, or the illness of addiction as Cory did. And I pray instead of being overwhelmed, people would know that there is One who would seek to pull them from the mire and the depths, clean them up and make them whole again. And on the way to wholeness will be beside you everyday (even if you can't always feel Him), no matter what.
And for those who perhaps don't need as much fixing, who are a bit more 'together' than I am/ have been, I pray that you will get to know God anyway, for the one true love of your life and as the one who will give your life true meaning.
Hopefully it won't be so long before I am able to blog again! Have a great week and God bless : )
Thursday, 14 November 2013
MIA
A quick post to apologise for a longer than anticipated absence. I had planned to post several times since my last post, however as the title suggests I have been 'Missing In Action'.
Since my longer term health issues have been improving, another issue has loomed, namely migraines. I have had migraines from time to time as far back as I can recall. Tiredness, or not drinking enough fluids during the day can trigger them, but the biggest factor is hormones. Any time around my period can trigger them. I used to get migraines so bad that I would beg my husband to dial for an ambulance as I was convinced I had meningitis or a brain tumour. Praise God they don't seem to be as bad as that these days (I had prayer for them and they improved). However these ones linger over weeks, not days. This current one has been on and off for three weeks, and it has brought with it a great deal of dizziness. As a result I have been incapacitated and unable to blog, drive, go out or do anything remotely useful. It has reduced our income and put all sorts of pressures upon us and, if I'm honest, really challenged once again my ability to remain pleasant and joyful whilst under pressure or ill.
I am praying into it, as are some close Godly friends. I am also hoping to meet the dear friend, who has prayed me through to healing with my longer term health issues, tomorrow evening to pray into this. I do feel it must be connected. And I cannot believe it is the Lord's will for me to have healing in one area, only to suffer in another.
I shall report back as soon as I can. Even typing this has been a struggle as my wobbly head is trying to convince me I am sliding off my chair. My logic says that I'm not, but my balance says otherwise.
However, even as I struggle to write this, I am aware that these are 'light and momentary troubles' (2 Cor 4: 17) in the grand scheme of things. I can see from the statistics on my blog that at one time or another some dear folk from the Philippines have looked at this blog. Whenever I look at the news now and see the sheer devastation that the recent typhoon has caused out there, I can't help but wonder after the safety of those folk and those they hold dear. I pray that they (and those they love) are safe, they have provisions and shelter and that they know the Lord is with them.
Please join me in praying for the Philippines, that relief would get through, that the country and infrastructure can be rebuilt, and that the Lord would oversee all those suffering and perform miracles out of His great love.
Since my longer term health issues have been improving, another issue has loomed, namely migraines. I have had migraines from time to time as far back as I can recall. Tiredness, or not drinking enough fluids during the day can trigger them, but the biggest factor is hormones. Any time around my period can trigger them. I used to get migraines so bad that I would beg my husband to dial for an ambulance as I was convinced I had meningitis or a brain tumour. Praise God they don't seem to be as bad as that these days (I had prayer for them and they improved). However these ones linger over weeks, not days. This current one has been on and off for three weeks, and it has brought with it a great deal of dizziness. As a result I have been incapacitated and unable to blog, drive, go out or do anything remotely useful. It has reduced our income and put all sorts of pressures upon us and, if I'm honest, really challenged once again my ability to remain pleasant and joyful whilst under pressure or ill.
I am praying into it, as are some close Godly friends. I am also hoping to meet the dear friend, who has prayed me through to healing with my longer term health issues, tomorrow evening to pray into this. I do feel it must be connected. And I cannot believe it is the Lord's will for me to have healing in one area, only to suffer in another.
I shall report back as soon as I can. Even typing this has been a struggle as my wobbly head is trying to convince me I am sliding off my chair. My logic says that I'm not, but my balance says otherwise.
However, even as I struggle to write this, I am aware that these are 'light and momentary troubles' (2 Cor 4: 17) in the grand scheme of things. I can see from the statistics on my blog that at one time or another some dear folk from the Philippines have looked at this blog. Whenever I look at the news now and see the sheer devastation that the recent typhoon has caused out there, I can't help but wonder after the safety of those folk and those they hold dear. I pray that they (and those they love) are safe, they have provisions and shelter and that they know the Lord is with them.
Please join me in praying for the Philippines, that relief would get through, that the country and infrastructure can be rebuilt, and that the Lord would oversee all those suffering and perform miracles out of His great love.
Tuesday, 5 November 2013
Tiny Miracles
No, from the title I am not referring to children or babies, who are often referred to as tiny miracles (although I do agree that they are). I am referring to the fact that although God does sometimes intervene in our lives in big and dramatic ways, with a 'suddenly' or a big miracle, He also and more often seems to work in our lives with a series of tiny miracles.
Last Monday (28th October), as I'd mentioned in my last post, I met with a friend God had led to me during my illness, for prayer and ministry. She felt, as did I, that there was more work to do.
We settled down after a quick chat and welcoming the Lord to the proceedings, to pray through whatever else was going on in my life that was preventing the healing, or contributing to the illness. Now not all healings need such in depth prayer over years. My healing has come that way as my ill health was related to events and damage from my past, and as God has moved through the events He has brought healing. I want to make it clear that some healings are simply physical needs, and can be dealt with far more easily. I do not want to create fear in people that all healings need such in depth dealing with or such exposure to difficult areas! The Lord is gentle and works the right way in each situation. This is just how it has worked for me in this instance.
Anyway, as we prayed more things came up. Partly it was me confessing things to the Lord as He brought them to mind. This is scriptural, as it says in James 5: 16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." I felt the Lord remind me of this scripture as we prayed so I was not concerned to open up with my friend, because I knew it was a safe place. There were things too deep to share but I prayed them in my head and I felt the Lord was fine with that, that He wanted me to be comfortable and did not want to cause me any embarrassment.
Then, the Lord also gave my friend wisdom about other things that needed praying through, which we did.
I had been a little concerned as to what might come up. I had felt that perhaps the fact that I was still unwell was my fault, and I felt guilty, although I knew I wasn't consciously hanging onto anything. But all evening Jesus was there, and He was gentle, and it was fine.
There was a cross in the prayer room we were in, and I knelt before it praying. Towards the end of the evening I left a stone at the bottom of that cross, as I felt I was at last able to leave my past behind. I may have need to speak of it from time to time, to help others, and I have no problems with that. But for myself, I know that I do not need to dwell on it anymore; it is behind me, and at the foot of the cross.
The Lord also gave me a beautiful scripture:
It is Luke 7: 47, and the part the Lord emphasised to me was the first part, that my sins have been forgiven. It so spoke to my heart and I knew that I could now move on. There may be more work to do, on this area (I know there is work to do on other areas!), but I do feel peace and I feel life will begin to move on now. For years it has just revolved around my health. I feel a freedom I have not had in years and a lightness.
My friend saw at the end of the session a light at the end of a tunnel. The Lord has since given me a picture of a narrow pathway through a wilderness and rocky, dry area, that is opening up wider and wider until there is no path, but simply beautiful land through which I can walk in any direction without boundaries.
I do feel so much better. Last week was half term and all the children were off school. I was up early every day (something which I have not been able to do whilst ill). I was also able to work hard and be consistently busy, and it was very, very busy! We had some issues with one of our children who is going through a difficult and emotional time as they slowly move into adulthood and have to deal with new situations and emotions, but the Lord gave me the energy and wisdom to deal with it as best I could. One day we were able to go on a lovely long dog walk at our local woods, something I have not had the energy for in a very long while. And even though approaching my period I've had little of the Pre-Menstrual Tension/ Stress that I would normally know. I had some really good moments, and surprisingly few wobbly ones. I did have to wrestle with a niggly migraine, but the Lord's working on that, but for the most part I was STABLE!!! I have not had such a stable, settled, well week in years, and I am so very, very, very grateful. Praise the Lord!
I realise that last week and this I have felt 'normal' much more than I have felt 'wobbly' or unwell. I'm not joking, I have not felt consistently normal for years, just ill, ill, ill. So the Lord has broken through, and although still a bit to go, I pray that it will continue.
As with this picture taken on our dog walk, for me the sun has finally broken through the trees, and I believe that as I walk forward into the great things the Lord has in my future, so the trees shall thin and the light become greater.
I took the above photo on our autumn walk. We are blessed to live close to somewhere so beautiful to walk. The photo doesn't really do it justice. But if you look closely the child is looking up to the mother. I feel more than anything that is the key for us all. Our heavenly Father wants us to place our hands into His, and to trust Him to lead us to the right places. No matter how scary it looks, or how hard the going, we need to keep our hand placed in His and our eyes on Him - for Him to be our focus. And the way we do that is to trust.
I pray that as I move forward into increasingly stable and long-term health and the blessings I believe He has for us all, that I will continue to trust Him and remain in open, honest relationship. It has certainly worked to trust Him so far, and I believe some of my biggest leaps forward have been because I chose to trust instead of fear.
I do not know what I would do without the Lord. He has truly saved my life.
I pray that this past week has found you blessed and able to trust God with whatever difficulties you may face, and as we move through this week I pray we would all be able to place our troubles into His hands, knowing that He is always bigger than any problems. God bless : )
Last Monday (28th October), as I'd mentioned in my last post, I met with a friend God had led to me during my illness, for prayer and ministry. She felt, as did I, that there was more work to do.
We settled down after a quick chat and welcoming the Lord to the proceedings, to pray through whatever else was going on in my life that was preventing the healing, or contributing to the illness. Now not all healings need such in depth prayer over years. My healing has come that way as my ill health was related to events and damage from my past, and as God has moved through the events He has brought healing. I want to make it clear that some healings are simply physical needs, and can be dealt with far more easily. I do not want to create fear in people that all healings need such in depth dealing with or such exposure to difficult areas! The Lord is gentle and works the right way in each situation. This is just how it has worked for me in this instance.
Anyway, as we prayed more things came up. Partly it was me confessing things to the Lord as He brought them to mind. This is scriptural, as it says in James 5: 16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." I felt the Lord remind me of this scripture as we prayed so I was not concerned to open up with my friend, because I knew it was a safe place. There were things too deep to share but I prayed them in my head and I felt the Lord was fine with that, that He wanted me to be comfortable and did not want to cause me any embarrassment.
Then, the Lord also gave my friend wisdom about other things that needed praying through, which we did.
I had been a little concerned as to what might come up. I had felt that perhaps the fact that I was still unwell was my fault, and I felt guilty, although I knew I wasn't consciously hanging onto anything. But all evening Jesus was there, and He was gentle, and it was fine.
There was a cross in the prayer room we were in, and I knelt before it praying. Towards the end of the evening I left a stone at the bottom of that cross, as I felt I was at last able to leave my past behind. I may have need to speak of it from time to time, to help others, and I have no problems with that. But for myself, I know that I do not need to dwell on it anymore; it is behind me, and at the foot of the cross.
The Lord also gave me a beautiful scripture:
My friend saw at the end of the session a light at the end of a tunnel. The Lord has since given me a picture of a narrow pathway through a wilderness and rocky, dry area, that is opening up wider and wider until there is no path, but simply beautiful land through which I can walk in any direction without boundaries.
I do feel so much better. Last week was half term and all the children were off school. I was up early every day (something which I have not been able to do whilst ill). I was also able to work hard and be consistently busy, and it was very, very busy! We had some issues with one of our children who is going through a difficult and emotional time as they slowly move into adulthood and have to deal with new situations and emotions, but the Lord gave me the energy and wisdom to deal with it as best I could. One day we were able to go on a lovely long dog walk at our local woods, something I have not had the energy for in a very long while. And even though approaching my period I've had little of the Pre-Menstrual Tension/ Stress that I would normally know. I had some really good moments, and surprisingly few wobbly ones. I did have to wrestle with a niggly migraine, but the Lord's working on that, but for the most part I was STABLE!!! I have not had such a stable, settled, well week in years, and I am so very, very, very grateful. Praise the Lord!
I realise that last week and this I have felt 'normal' much more than I have felt 'wobbly' or unwell. I'm not joking, I have not felt consistently normal for years, just ill, ill, ill. So the Lord has broken through, and although still a bit to go, I pray that it will continue.
 |
| The sun has finally broken through the trees! |
 |
| On our autumn walk, and no, this isn't me : ) |
I pray that as I move forward into increasingly stable and long-term health and the blessings I believe He has for us all, that I will continue to trust Him and remain in open, honest relationship. It has certainly worked to trust Him so far, and I believe some of my biggest leaps forward have been because I chose to trust instead of fear.
I do not know what I would do without the Lord. He has truly saved my life.
I pray that this past week has found you blessed and able to trust God with whatever difficulties you may face, and as we move through this week I pray we would all be able to place our troubles into His hands, knowing that He is always bigger than any problems. God bless : )
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