Last Monday (28th October), as I'd mentioned in my last post, I met with a friend God had led to me during my illness, for prayer and ministry. She felt, as did I, that there was more work to do.
We settled down after a quick chat and welcoming the Lord to the proceedings, to pray through whatever else was going on in my life that was preventing the healing, or contributing to the illness. Now not all healings need such in depth prayer over years. My healing has come that way as my ill health was related to events and damage from my past, and as God has moved through the events He has brought healing. I want to make it clear that some healings are simply physical needs, and can be dealt with far more easily. I do not want to create fear in people that all healings need such in depth dealing with or such exposure to difficult areas! The Lord is gentle and works the right way in each situation. This is just how it has worked for me in this instance.
Anyway, as we prayed more things came up. Partly it was me confessing things to the Lord as He brought them to mind. This is scriptural, as it says in James 5: 16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." I felt the Lord remind me of this scripture as we prayed so I was not concerned to open up with my friend, because I knew it was a safe place. There were things too deep to share but I prayed them in my head and I felt the Lord was fine with that, that He wanted me to be comfortable and did not want to cause me any embarrassment.
Then, the Lord also gave my friend wisdom about other things that needed praying through, which we did.
I had been a little concerned as to what might come up. I had felt that perhaps the fact that I was still unwell was my fault, and I felt guilty, although I knew I wasn't consciously hanging onto anything. But all evening Jesus was there, and He was gentle, and it was fine.
There was a cross in the prayer room we were in, and I knelt before it praying. Towards the end of the evening I left a stone at the bottom of that cross, as I felt I was at last able to leave my past behind. I may have need to speak of it from time to time, to help others, and I have no problems with that. But for myself, I know that I do not need to dwell on it anymore; it is behind me, and at the foot of the cross.
The Lord also gave me a beautiful scripture:
It is Luke 7: 47, and the part the Lord emphasised to me was the first part, that my sins have been forgiven. It so spoke to my heart and I knew that I could now move on. There may be more work to do, on this area (I know there is work to do on other areas!), but I do feel peace and I feel life will begin to move on now. For years it has just revolved around my health. I feel a freedom I have not had in years and a lightness.
My friend saw at the end of the session a light at the end of a tunnel. The Lord has since given me a picture of a narrow pathway through a wilderness and rocky, dry area, that is opening up wider and wider until there is no path, but simply beautiful land through which I can walk in any direction without boundaries.
I do feel so much better. Last week was half term and all the children were off school. I was up early every day (something which I have not been able to do whilst ill). I was also able to work hard and be consistently busy, and it was very, very busy! We had some issues with one of our children who is going through a difficult and emotional time as they slowly move into adulthood and have to deal with new situations and emotions, but the Lord gave me the energy and wisdom to deal with it as best I could. One day we were able to go on a lovely long dog walk at our local woods, something I have not had the energy for in a very long while. And even though approaching my period I've had little of the Pre-Menstrual Tension/ Stress that I would normally know. I had some really good moments, and surprisingly few wobbly ones. I did have to wrestle with a niggly migraine, but the Lord's working on that, but for the most part I was STABLE!!! I have not had such a stable, settled, well week in years, and I am so very, very, very grateful. Praise the Lord!
I realise that last week and this I have felt 'normal' much more than I have felt 'wobbly' or unwell. I'm not joking, I have not felt consistently normal for years, just ill, ill, ill. So the Lord has broken through, and although still a bit to go, I pray that it will continue.
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The sun has finally broken through the trees! |
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On our autumn walk, and no, this isn't me : ) |
I pray that as I move forward into increasingly stable and long-term health and the blessings I believe He has for us all, that I will continue to trust Him and remain in open, honest relationship. It has certainly worked to trust Him so far, and I believe some of my biggest leaps forward have been because I chose to trust instead of fear.
I do not know what I would do without the Lord. He has truly saved my life.
I pray that this past week has found you blessed and able to trust God with whatever difficulties you may face, and as we move through this week I pray we would all be able to place our troubles into His hands, knowing that He is always bigger than any problems. God bless : )
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