Saturday, 26 April 2014

The God of Miracles

For many years I have felt God speak to me about my purpose and calling in this life. The Bible is very clear that God has plans for each of us. Jeremiah 29: 11 is often quoted in this respect: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.""

It also speaks about this in Ephesians 2: 10, and is very nicely put in the New Living Translation: "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Now that Scripture is awesome on at least two counts. First of all the good things He's planned for us to do, He planned 'long ago'. So God really does know what He's doing as he knows the future of us all. But also, this Scripture says we are 'God's masterpiece'! Have you ever seen the view from a mountain? Have you ever witnessed a glorious sunset, or a new born baby in the arms of it's mother? And yet the Bible calls us His masterpiece. Boggling, absolutely boggling....

But the point I'm trying to make is that God has uniquely designed each of us, knows us intimately and has designed things for us to do, specifically with us individually in mind.

One of the things He's spoken to me about is preaching. However I've never felt the release to step out in this as life has been too full of other things and the timing's not been right ... until now. The church I belong to is quite unique in that anyone who feels the call can train to preach, and then preach from time to time. So in faith, believing this is God's leading, I've contacted my Pastor to speak to him about it. He's away on holiday at the moment, but when he gets back we'll meet up and talk it through.

This is not to say that I feel confident in my abilities to do this. Speaking in front of people scares me. And I know there will be training and learning involved, which takes time. I have four children, a husband and a dog which need looking after. I run two businesses. I write, I try to find time to spend with God and I have a house to run, as well as doing my house up and a myriad of other things. Even I have no clue how I will find the time. God will have to make a way, but impossibilities seem to be a specific speciality of his : )

But one thing I have been speaking to God about is that I don't want to be yet another preacher who gets up the front, speaks a few niceties, then everyone goes home and forgets about it. That will be a waste of all of our time. No, the Bible speaks about man's words being backed up with God's power and I have asked for just this to happen. I want signs and wonders to follow my ministry. In part, I guess, because I want people to know that God's hand is one me. But that is a wrong motivation - it must be because I have a heart for the people I speak to and I want God to move in their lives for them, not for my own self-satisfaction. But I do feel it is important that God moves and changes lives.

Then I felt God challenge me on what exactly do I think God moving looks like. What do I think constitutes a miracle?

I guess my reply was that when something happens in front of my eyes, instantaneously, like fixing a broken leg.

Then I felt God challenge me again. 'Which do you think is easier for me to do: heal a broken leg when the person is in pain and both they and I want the same thing, or fix a broken, bitter, abused, angry heart, when the person flinches and recoils every time their heart is touched, and our wills do not always coincide because they are afraid?'



Well, I guess the obvious answer is that neither is more difficult for God, as He is God, all powerful and mighty (and loving). But the real answer is given in the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Jesus, when healing a person or performing a miracle, so often says 'Your faith has made you well/ whole'. It's not His faith, but our trust and faith in Him that makes room for the miracle.

So when a leg is broken and both us and God want the same thing and we invite Him to move, we make room for the miracle. But when it's the human heart, it often takes much longer because we find it so much harder to trust Him, especially when our trust has so often been abused. In that situation it is hard to extend Him an invitation and give Him room to move. And what is the greater miracle - fixing a body, or restoring a broken human soul to the place of constant divine fellowship, where joy, love and peace thrive? I firmly believe the latter. I believe so much more fruit can come from a restored soul that a restored body (although I know from much illness myself, it is very hard for a soul to thrive with a constantly broken body).

So, my view of what makes a miracle has changed. Is it less of a miracle because it has occurred over a passage of time? No. (After all, God lives outside of time, so I feel when it takes time it's often more for our benefit than His.) I realise now that I may not always know from my words, both written and spoken, the thrill of instantaneous miracles, but I feel His assurance that if I follow His leading there will be the miracle of restored human hearts as they are pointed back to the One who created and formed them in love (I believe something amazing happens when we submit our will to do His - it opens the door for His miraculous power to move). His love will make them whole again.

Indeed with that type of miracle I may never even know that it has occurred. I guess, as with everything else, I will just have to trust Him that as I step out in faith, leaning on Him, there will be fruit whether I know it or not. For we work as if for Him, with all of our hearts (Colossians 3: 23) not for the human glory that can corrupt our souls once more.

And on my reviewed basis of what constitutes a miracle, I realise I've seen more than I thought already.

Be blessed : )

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Cookies and Milk (God Meets Our Needs)

The Bible says in Philippians 4: 19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.".

This verse is often quoted, but it is also often pointed out that God meets our needs, not our wants. For example, a baby or toddler may want to eat sweets (candy), cookies or chocolate all the time, whereas the parent knows that the baby or toddler needs more fruit, vegetables and other nutritious food, with only a little bit of chocolate.

I guess that for a long time that's kinda how I viewed God. I wanted chocolate and he gave me spinach, or brussel sprouts, because it was 'good for me'. It gave me a screwy view that perhaps, for example, although I want more money so things aren't so tight all the time, God instead felt I needed to always struggle because it was somehow good for me. But just lately, I've realised that this screwed up view is wrong on at least two counts.

First of all I had a real epiphany about my husband: 

Growing up as a victim of abuse and in a very difficult home situation, I was pretty screwed up and lacking in any sort of discipline or self control. As a result I was always very drawn to men with very strong personalities. There were a couple in particular that were on the scene for some years. They were (seemingly) confident, cocky and very authoritative. They were also very driven and have grown into men who are at work a lot. This also has the added benefit of making them a bit more affluent than us, but they're not about much and their wives have to deal with the kids and take second place to their careers. For years I was convinced that they were just the sort of people I should be with.

My husband on the other hand, although seemingly confident and cheeky, often doesn't know what to do in tricky and challenging situations. And although being incredibly clever and practical in so very many ways, he doesn't score well academically, and therefore some of the higher paid jobs escape him (having said this I have come to realise that his skill set is actually incredibly more useful in life and grossly under-valued when compared to many of the white collar numpties I know!). As for being authoritative - well, when he really needs to be he can be, but generally, no; he's very laid back.

I have really felt God reveal to me though that my lovely, under valued and awesome husband, may not have been all that I thought I wanted when we married, but as it turns out he has been exactly what I have needed.

If I had married an Alpha male I would probably have always come second to whatever task or job he was fulfilling and would have always felt under valued. I would not have been given the room to heal that my dear husband has allowed me, and I certainly would not have had the four awesome kids I've got. My husband has been such a practical hands-on amazing Dad, especially when I've been useless due to illness or depression over the years, that I could not have done it without him. I would have been a gibbering mess. He is a 'much-better-than-an-Alpha-type-(and-who-decided-Alpha-type-was-the-best-anyway?)' type man.

In this instance would I compare my husband to receiving cabbage when I longed for chocolate? Absolutely not! And that's the great thing about God - He always knows what we need, even if we think we need something different.

The other thing I've realised is that, when having our needs met, I always thought it meant getting just enough to get you out of the hole you're in and no more. Not a drop. However, when you look at the verse properly, it says that God meets our needs according to His riches. God owns the cattle on a thousand hillsides according to scripture - it's all His. So when He meets our needs He is not stingy - not one bit!

Do I feel short-changed with my husband? Have I got just enough but no more? Ask me on a PMS day when I'm grumpy, and I'll probably growl something sarcastic at you. But on a normal day, like today, I can tell you that God has exceeded all my expectations with my husband. I had to wait for him, for many single years when everyone else around me got married and I felt really alone (and I think that's an important key - there's often a waiting between the asking and the need being met). But He was absolutely, categorically, worth the wait. He's a smasher, and no mistake.

So to sum up. I was a cup of milk. I thought I needed another cup of milk to be with - someone like me. Instead I got something totally different - I got Oreo cookies. Oreo cookies and milk are absolutely not alike. But when they are put together it is magical : )

Oreo Cookies and Milk
Mmmm, yummy ....


So the moral of the story is: sometimes when we want chocolate, we get cabbage. But mostly when we want something we get something absolutely awesome, something that really serves us well for the long haul, and if we're really lucky and put some effort in, we get something that transforms our lives.

And honestly, as a post-script, just lately with all the stresses we've had, having someone who didn't know what to do was helpful (apart from when he helped me calm down from one episode, then he was authoritative and it was brilliant). For once I actually admitted I didn't know what to do either and we both lent on God instead of each other or ourselves. And for once, instead of stress breaking us apart, the situation has drawn us closer together. It's been like a miracle. A smallish one that could easily be overlooked type of miracle, but after previous stressful times it is a miracle none-the-less.

May we all be able to recognise that although what we receive may not be what we're expecting, when unwrapped it will bless us in ways we could never have imagined. Be blessed : )

Monday, 21 April 2014

Resurrection Power

As ever it has been longer between posts than I would have liked by far. But as ever, there is a genuine reason.

Two weeks ago the children broke up from school for the Easter holidays, which was lovely as it gives a lovely break from the usual rushing around. I had grand visions of using the first week to do some much needed clearing out, followed by time with the children in week 2. The Lord gave me a word through someone else some years ago about 'clearing away the clutter' and essentially making room for what He had in store for us, and this word has been really fruiting just lately. I've felt God clear so much emotional baggage in my life, that it's made it easier to let go of all the 'stuff' in my life that has passed its purpose or usefulness.

Week 1 was great and we cleared out 6 or so huge garbage bags of items to give away or bin, plus we did two large car loads to the tip. The way my ever messy house is starting to come together is just wonderful. We were just looking forward to some quality family time in Week 2, when the devil cut in on us.

My eldest daughter has been in a relationship with her 'boyfriend' for just over a year. We weren't always happy with the relationship, but we prayed through everything and really sought to walk God's way in it, whilst loving and supporting her. But his behaviour and that of his parents had become increasingly concerning.

In essence, it has transpired (in bits and pieces) over the past 6 months that he has become more and more controlling and obsessive. Don't wear this. Don't do that. Don't be in the school play. Don't talk to that person.

Some major issues came to light with the relationship last October and it was so bad we had to involve the Police and their school. He was asked to leave the school and find another. His parents blamed us and never looked at his behaviour.

We were from that point very unhappy with the relationship, and apart from a few times over Christmas have not let our daughter see him. But their feelings have only intensified and behind our backs his parents were talking to her and offering for her to live with them when she was 16. Even more concerning as some things had gone on whilst she was in their care (aged 14) that were not right and they knew was irresponsible.

Then last weekend we discovered he has been cyber-bullying her mates more and more on Facebook, culminating in her receiving dreadful, frightening messages from her telling her to accept their relationship status and un-friend certain people or else. The messages were so vicious and bullying that we felt we had no choice but to involve the Police, especially as every time she brings her boyfriend up in conversation we get threatened with another bout of self-harm (which she tried after we stopped her seeing him) or leaving home. We as parents are just not equipped for this, and we needed some advice and help. So we were up until 3.30 a.m. Friday night/ Saturday morning looking on her computer and other devices, and then called the Police first thing Saturday.

We had the most wonderful Policeman come round, who as it turns out had been through the exact same thing with his daughter. I'm sure the Lord sent him, as he understood and completely empathised. But even so, having the Police arrive within a few hours of your call, and springing that on your daughter, is stressful. What we did not know however was that a Policeman was also going round to see the boyfriend and his parents.

After a very late lunch my husband took the dog for a walk and left me at home with just my two boys. I was already tired and stressed (we'd also had a customer with dementia who had been calling constantly, adding to the drama). Into this charged atmosphere came the boyfriends parents. They turned up unannounced on the door step. I did not answer the door. They had been calling constantly earlier when we'd speaking with our daughter so we were planning to return the call later. But they had decided that as we hadn't immediately picked up, to get in the car and come over, to challenge us on why we'd involved the Police and what was our problem.

I called my husband who immediately who arrived home 10 minutes later, but in the meantime my son had answered the door and let them in (yes, we had a chat about that afterwards!). But honestly, facing two angry people alone, I felt scared.

The meeting was awful. Throughout, probably due to stress and tiredness, I found it hard to stop my body from physical shaking. The meeting ended when my husband asked them to leave. The mother was getting more and more agitated and finally accused me of enjoying all the drama and causing it all on purpose. After they left, the accumulated fear, adrenalin and shock of it all kicked in and I collapsed on the floor sobbing. It took probably about half an hour for my husband to calm me. But I can confess that after I was calmed, he left me for a few minutes. I just sat there, with the Lord, asking for help. And I did feel His presence and His peace.

I think the hardest part has been acknowledging that even with all the prayers in the world we cannot protect our children from hardships in life. This is so not what I hoped for in terms of relationships for my kids. To have a non-Christian bully and control them in increasingly frightening ways, have him text and message us, verbally abusing us. Have the Police round my house. Have the school involved. Have constant teen drama and upset until late and night and often over weekends when we are trying to rest and enjoy family time. Instead I am learning that our kids' roads are often rocky, as was mine. But God is there, and when we let go of our false expectations, He can come in with His life.

That is really what the Easter story is about. Jesus died, but from it came new life for the whole world, the whole universe. From my death to false hopes and self reliance, can come God's new life. It's not here yet. But this past week, as well as trying not to cry every five minutes and clinging to God as if to a life raft, there have been small glimmers that have given me hope. I realise now, that even at Easter, you had the crucifixion (Friday) and the resurrection (Sunday), but you also had the day in between (Saturday) when it all looked plain awful and hopeless. Right now in this, and in so many other areas, we are on the day in between, but moving ever closer to that day of new life.

So that's why I've not been posting. Too much drama and resulting exhaustion - all the concern and stress made both myself and my husband feel quite ill.

But to reinforce the point that from dead things can come new life:

How can you bring new life to a stick? Turn it into an Easter tree!
We spotted a couple of naughty fairies on the tree ...

... as well as one practising her 'Ta-dah!' pose.
We also spotted a rather pretty Easter chicken ...
... and her subversive looking friend!
But sadly Easter draws to a close for another year. I hope yours has been full of good things. And for all those who, like me, are still in that 'day in between', I pray you would know God's presence in the waiting.

More soon. Be blessed : )

Saturday, 5 April 2014

A Perfect Heart

As you may know from previous posts, my husband and I are in debt. The debt is now managed and being paid off little by little, but it does mean we have to live under a microscope, with a huge amount of accountability, and we are likely (naturally speaking) to be paying the debt off for another 20 years or so.

Now the Lord is very good. He has saved our house from forced sale. He provides all our needs. He has even given some very encouraging prophetic words and signs directly to us and through other people (one of whom didn't even know us or our situation). So I am confident it will be paid off and put right.

However it does make life difficult in many ways. For example we need a van for our business, and we could really do with new cars, as well as the many things that need doing around the house, but we are able to save relatively little each month (some months nothing) and we cannot get credit. There are also so many things I would love to do with my children, and places I'd love to take them, but I cannot. Sometimes even basic things are a push. Generally I have been watching time and lost opportunities slip away, and feeling more and more helpless.

On top of this I have felt very responsible for the debt. I made a lot of bad choices and should have sought help a lot earlier and avoided a lot of the pain. But I simply did not know. I have been mad at myself, for a long while. I do try to walk in constant forgiveness to all, including myself, but I have not always achieved this, especially where I am concerned. I have essentially been walking under a cloud of guilt.

Anyway, I was reading 'Turning Hopeless Situations Around' by Kenneth Hagin. He started talking about Hezekiah, over whom a death sentence was spoken in Isaiah 38. Understandably Hezekiah was rather upset about this (wouldn't we all be?!), and he prayed to God. One of the things he said was 'I have walked before thee in truth and with a perfect heart' (Is 38: 3).

After Hezekiah's prayer, God changed his mind and added further years to his life.

The author was pondering Hezekiah's prayer and statement that he'd had a perfect heart, and was thinking over some of his own past mistakes, and the Lord spoke to him:

'The Lord said to me, "I wasn't looking at you on the outside. You're looking at where you missed it purely from the physical, human, natural standpoint. But I was looking at your heart all the time. Your spirit is your heart. I saw the intent of your heart. Even though you had done wrong and had missed it, I wrote down 'This man's heart if perfect towards me'." '

Oh how the Lord spoke to my heart through that! I know, with very clear memories, how I prayed and fasted and prayed some more, for guidance and help over our finances. Much of the mistakes were made out of naivety and ignorance of God's word and will, and lack of maturity. But I know my heart intention was always in the end to do God's will and follow His plan. As far as I can be sure, I believe my heart was perfect, even if my actions were not.

Was I perfect all the time? No! My soul was in a much worse state back then. But that's why we have grace. And I truly believe God looks at the overall picture; He knows I just want to please Him. And in those few sentences in that book, I felt a weight drop off.

I still need to practise walking in forgiveness towards myself, and others. But even in that, God knows my heart (if not my ways) is perfect towards Him.

I hope and pray God will release others as He has released me from unnecessary, burdening guilt. And I know in His timing and His ways our needs and more besides will be met, with an abundance, and we will know freedom from the bondage of debt. May you know that freedom too.

Be blessed : )

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

To Seek and Save the Lost

Luke 19 verse 10 says that "... the Son of Man (that's Jesus) came to seek and save the lost".

I have learnt a bit about that recently. I came across an old book of mine (Beyond Ourselves by Catherine Marshall - it's very good, I can heartily recommend it). I was reading through part of it and came across Ms Marshall writing about how another great Christian author, Hannah Whitall Smith, discovered for herself what she calls 'the unselfishness of God'.

In this discovery Mrs Smith realised that although we often call someone who is not a Christian 'lost', or a 'lost soul', '... nothing can be lost that is not first owned.' It brought great illumination to her.

Ms Marshall continues ... "So the word lost came to be for Mrs Smith a term of greatest comfort. If a person is a "lost sinner", it only means he is temporarily separated from the Good Shepherd who owns him. The Shepherd is bound by all duties of ownership to go after all those who are lost until they are found .... "Who can imagine a mother ever dropping a search so long as there is the least chance of finding a lost child?" Mrs Smith wrote. "Then would God be more indifferent than a mother? Since I had this sight of the mother-heart of God, I have never been able to feel the slightest anxiety for any of His children. We can trust Him ... trust Him."

I have found this to be very true and profound in the light of what happened last week. My father-in-law (my husband's dad) is not a Christian (to be honest for the most part neither of our families are, we are both first generation Christians, which may explain all the garbage we've had to work through). Anyway, my father-in-law is an active 78 year old. He used to do body building, has always kept fit and generally quite healthy, and even likes to go mountain biking up the local woods several times a week.

My mother-in-law is much younger at 68 and also healthy and active. They are not always in together, but often out doing things.

Last Thursday morning, when they both happened to be in the house, my mother-in-law heard some crashing from the kitchen, and believing her husband had just accidentally dropped something she walked back to the kitchen, joking about it. However she found him at the dishwasher, with the left half of his face dropped and slurred and incomprehensible speech. She realised instantly it was a stroke.

The chances of them both being indoors and within shouting distance was slim. Yet for all the places he could have had a stroke, it was there, where he was safe, with help immediately on hand.

My husband was able to be with his mum within a few minutes to support her and the first responder (who turned out to be someone they knew) and ambulance were there really quickly. And praise God they were surrounded by the best help, people they knew, and the necessary clot busting drugs that need to be in within a 2 hour time frame to be effective, were in well within that.

He was out of hospital and back home on Friday! He is trying to get used to the drugs now as they were giving him a headache, and has a very slight droop to his left hand side, but overall it would seem as though nothing has happened.

And my husband's brother and wife, who are pretty unpleasant towards us and really don't like us, were never around when we were, so there was no stressful bedside reunion/ confrontation. God, the Good Shepherd, even guided those lost sheep to save adding to the stress of the situation and causing any upset.

We pray now that the whole family will recognise it was God's hand and care upon their lives, but we can see that even though they may not recognise Him yet, His hand is definitely upon them. And I am confident now that God will go to any possible length to not only seek, but actually save, the 'lost'.

So apologies for another absence - I am realising that is how life often is - life has been busy.

With continued prayers that you may know God's hand on your lives, and for everything to do with flight MH370 and for the ongoing situation in the Ukraine, T.A.C. : )