The Path Ahead

Well, for some who read this it will already be 2014, so may I be amongst the first to wish you all a very Happy New Year! I pray for us all that it will be a great year. When praying about the year ahead I felt two things from the Lord:

First of all I felt Him give me three words: Prosperous (this is not just financially, but an abundance in every way), Productive and Healthy.

I also saw a picture (God sometimes gives pictures and visions to people as a way of speaking to them about various things) of abundant and lush, rolling green hills. In the foreground there was a veranda, like a patio at the back of a villa. It was beautiful and sunny, such a beautiful, lush light. And there was a huge honeycomb, dripping with rich, golden honey.

I have yet to receive the full revelation from God as to what this means, but honey is often spoken of in the Bible in a good way (see Proverbs 16:24, Proverbs 24:13, Psalm 19:10, Song of Solomon 4:11). The Promised Land, which God led His people to was spoken of as a land flowing in milk and honey (Exodus 33:3). Honey was a major part of John the Baptist's diet - he lived off honey and locusts (Mark 1:6). This is probably because honey is such a complete food, only really lacking in protein, which would have been provided by the locusts. Honeycomb was also given to Jesus when he asked for food from his disciples, after his resurrection (Luke 24:42).

So honey does really speak of God's Word, goodness, completeness, sustenance and abundance, amongst other things. I also have a friend to whom the Lord gave a picture of a beautiful golden honey-like substance, and God told her that it was His Kingdom - His blessings, help and essentially heaven, coming down onto earth to bless us. I therefore feel confident in taking the picture as a good sign, a sign of blessings to come.

Christmas has been good, and a lovely break from routine, but it has also brought great challenges. Many unexpected bills and other claims on resources came in just before or during the Christmas period. We have also had some work for our return to work in January cancelled. And I have several large bills awaiting payment as soon as we return to school and work next week. And well, our financial resources will be at zero after a food shop this weekend.

I have been a little saddened that I am not as far along as I would like in terms of my security being in God instead of in work and my bank balance. I do feel greatly encouraged that I am much, much improved, but the lack of work lined up and the lack of financial security has caused me to worry much more than I would like and am sure it has contributed to my feeling rather unwell. I have had a nasty virus which has rather dominated the last week and made me feel most flu-like, and I am now back on quite a lot of medication to function reasonably well. But I can look back to see how far I have come, and that God has always provided work and resource, most recently in the lead up to Christmas (most miraculously), and I do my best to walk forward looking to God and not to circumstance. And I pray that as always He will accept my meagre offering of trust and bless me with a flow of hope, faith and peace.

There have been other pressures too. Seeing my Mum is always a little challenging. As with my Dad, our relationship has never been very good and there is never an 'I love you' or voluntary hugs. I think because of a difficult upbringing she is emotionally very stilted and can be quite cold. This was accentuated when an issue came up a couple of years ago, and in delicately trying to sort things out she started ranting at me over anything I have ever done that has upset her. Despite great efforts and much prayer things never really were resolved. When I spend time with her now I find it hard not to drown in a mixture of regret of how things could be, loss, frustration and pity. I struggle to cling to hope. But at least we do see her.

Christmas also sadly highlights a far worse family situation with my husband's brother and sister-in-law. We have a very minor disagreement about 12 years ago, and despite our valiant efforts to make things right they took it upon themselves to list to us all the things they didn't like about us. We forgave and carried on loving them, and apart from a brief respite where things seemed to improve, they have become more and more vicious in their treatment of us.

We had felt things resolved at one point and had had some great conversations with them, but then when we bumped into them they spoke to my husband but ignored me and our children (their nieces and nephews). I would walk into a room to say hello and they would walk out. Last Christmas at my husband's mother's request my husband called his brother up to try and resolve things, and he was told that his brother and wife had decided they didn't like us, they hated that we were Christians, they didn't like our personalities or anything about us and ultimately wanted to spend no time with us and were not ever willing to be in the same room as us. I can honestly say that this is in spite of us continuing to love them and their children (the loss of my relationship with them was a heartbreaking wound that plagued me for years, and has only recently been made a bit better by God). To feel so strongly about someone that you cannot stand to be in the same room as them is akin to hatred. It takes some effort to feel so strongly.

Each Christmas there seems to be a hole in our lives as we do not get to see them or our niece and nephew whom we love very much, yet we hear of them from family members who do visit. And I have never had an opportunity to explain the situation to them, or even speak of what has gone on or defend myself. And it hurts.

It is a constant challenge for me, with both my Mum and my brother-in-law and sister-in-law to 'turn the other cheek' as the Bible urges and to 'love those that hate you'. Humanly I'd like to have it out with them all, because they are missing out on such blessings and joys, but I know it is no use. I believe that the difficulties lie in them all not forgiving things and being offended with us, and as a result the devil has been allowed to come in and wreak havoc. I find it hard to hold onto hope in these situations, I really do. But hope I must, or I run the risk of allowing the devil to come in and wreak havoc with me too. And in the meantime I thank God for what I do have. I may have lost a niece and nephew for example, but I do have the blessing of two sons and two daughters! And although having four children is hard work, I know such love and blessing in my life as a result of having them all.

So as you can see, Christmas has been a time of ups and downs. A time of concern, heartache and illness, but also a time of blessing and much needed rest. This is well illustrated by the result of a Christmas storm on our fence:

We lost seven panels in all - even this one is now fully down!

It will take a while to save to replace all the panels, as seven panels came down in all, and we already have so many demands on finance that we don't have yet. But like the fence we may be down at times, but praise Jesus we are not out! With God there is always hope!

A path in my garden illustrating the lack of time I've had to spend on my own garden!

As you can see my garden is sadly needed much attention. But I feel it illustrates our journey through life with God. Sometimes all goes well and life is peachy, and we feel close to Him. But even when the way ahead is full of weeds, and overgrown, or difficult to see and navigate - He is also there, if not closer than before. It is sometimes just that we are focusing on the path and not on Him.

I read recently in a Joyce Meyer book, that God said to her that He would not bless and grow her ministry all the time her focus and security was in how well it/ she was doing and not on God. God said to her something along the lines of 'Anything that you need besides Me is something the devil can use against you'. How profound! Perhaps that is the work God is doing in me - making sure my reliance and dependence is not in how much work is booked in or how much money is in the bank, but in Him so that the devil cannot use these things that God intends to bless me, against me.

I am so aware as we enter the New Year that I have so much to learn and so far to go. But I am aware now of how far I have come and that I am still standing, albeit with God's help! And I hold onto the picture of the dripping honeycomb and those words of hope: Prosperous, Productive and Healthy.

A blessing of love from the UK to you!

My clever daughter who clearly has more time on her hands/ more time to do her hands than I do, gave herself a very British makeover with Union Jack nails this Christmas. But sat here in my messy dining room in southern England, knowing that this blog with travel far further than I, know that I pray God's hope and blessing to all who come across this, now and into 2014. Life is difficult, but with God's help I know we will see all those difficulties smoothed out, in His timing.

God bless, and Happy New Year! : )