I have been tired and still a little dizzy as I continued to slowly recover from the dreadful migraine that plagued me last week, but each day has been better than the last. I have been able to work, able to start cooking again, able to do the school pick ups, able to go to meetings (I had a big and very important meeting regarding my eldest son who is possibly on the Autistic spectrum, and who has been experiencing some problems - the meeting went well and had a great outcome - he will receive the help he needs going forward) and able to partake in normal life (which in our household is always a little crazy!).
The new medication I have been given has had a big part to play in my ability to cope better. It has some very minor side effects, but all negligible compared to the great benefits I receive from it. I know as time moves forward and my general health improves, I shall be able to come off it. I thank God for His sudden intervention at the recent Doctor's appointment which afforded me the prescription and advice I needed.
That same appointment also saw me set up with a blood test for several things, including Vitamin D, which I seem to be perpetually low in. My reading was just over the edge of the 'normal' scale, which is poor considering it is the end of the summer and I have been working outside in the sun quite a lot - we should have a good store to take us through the winter. I'd also taken two very large Vitamin D capsules to top up, so to be barely into the normal range suggests I'm still not storing it or able to hang onto it. But it does give me the information I need to help keep on top of it over the winter.
I did see another Doctor this week as an infection I'd had in my saliva glands didn't seem to have fully gone away after one treatment of antibiotics, and it was making me start to feel run down again. It has honestly been one virus, infection or migraine after another for a couple of months now, on top of longer term health issues, so it's no wonder I'm a bit run down and a bit grumpy about things. But again I have to praise God that I live somewhere that provides free (you have to pay for the medicines, but it's a small cost) health care and medicine that will help fight off the infection.
The medicine has been working because I started to get a very upset stomach yesterday - a side effect. The antibiotics not only kill off the bad bugs in your system, but the good bugs in your digestive system too. It was hard as I was trying to complete our business' and personal tax returns, so I confess I got rather annoyed by it. But at least I know they are working and I pray that this time the infection will go. I am also praying that after this I have come to the end of the additional niggling health issues, and I can work on improving my general health and hopefully becoming more robust again.
For so long I have realised that my physical health does not match up to how I feel mentally or spiritually. My body, instead of seeming like an extension and expression of myself, has felt rather like the enemy - something to be fought against. At times it has felt like I have been trapped inside a body that constantly lets me down, and it has seemed as though people have seen the illness, instead of me. It has felt as though I was judged on my health, and not who I am. But then I realised I have the privilege of being assured by God that I will get better, although the assurance has been more of a recent occurrence - before that, with no diagnosis I was also walking in the dark in blind faith (and often stumbling). I have had two dreams recently after prayer and asking the Lord for guidance, wisdom and assurance - in both it was scary, but I knew the Lord was coming to rescue me and soon the light would overshadow and extinguish the darkness. How must it be to not have that assurance? Or to be injured or have a disability with no hope of a cure, other than a miracle? I hope that perhaps one day I will know the Lord's power moving through my life in such a way that I can offer His light and His hope in even the most 'hopeless' of situations, and after having suffered a little be better able to offer the compassion I know is so desperately needed in those dark places. I still, in spite of my struggles, believe the answer to every problem is Jesus.
I still struggle to maintain a good attitude and spend proper time with the Lord. I do speak with Him all the time and go through periods where I study the Bible almost constantly, but in my life and with constant illness, finding a regular time has been impossible. I also find on days like yesterday (when I finally feel I am making progress and then bam! - the rug is pulled from beneath my feet once more and I am in pain and unwell) it is very hard to not be grumpy. But I am getting quicker at apologising and correcting my attitude. So I am improving. And I am trying, as in the above, to see the light in every situation and keep a positive attitude. I ask the Lord to keep revealing Himself to me.
When working this week I felt God remind me through the wonder of nature of this:
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| Behind every dark cloud, lies the sun as bright as ever .. |
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| The sun drenched places are only a step away from the shade. |
I also noticed that it is only when the sun is full and bright that the shade is at its darkest. It speaks similarly of this in Isaiah 60: 2 :
"For behold, darkness shall cover the earth, and thick darkness the peoples; but the Lord will arise upon you, and his glory will be seen upon you."
The dreams God sent me in answer to my prayers were very scary and indicated that I am in a battle, that there is 'thick darkness' surrounding me and threatening to encroach me, but in each dream I knew help was on its way, and I feel assured that indeed 'the Lord will arise upon me' and that at last I might reach the potential He has placed in me and 'His glory will be seen upon [me]'.
Last time I was out working I promised to try to capture the scene, as it was so beautiful:
When you often get to work in an environment as beautiful as this, with one of the people you love most in the world by your side (my husband, usually working across the lawn from me), and when you can work communing with God, you already have a lot to be thankful for.
I am often grumpy, but praise God these days I seem to be more often 'praising the Lord and forgetting not all His benefits' (Psalm 103: 2).
I pray that this week you will be able to see God's blessings in your life and you would know His peace. And even if you are in the darkest of dark places, hidden in gloom and shade, you will know that the sunlight is just a step away; the Lord will arise and His glory will be seen - in you.
God bless you : )
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