Shaken by Love

I have a daily devotional book based on the writing's of Hannah Whitall Smith (1832 - 1911). She wrote many, wonderful Christian books that still sell well today.

Last week I read an entry which has helped me tremendously:

"At that time His voice shook the earth, but now He has promised, 'Once more I will shake not only the earth, but also the heavens.' The words 'once more' indicate the removing of what can be shaken - that is, created things - so that what cannot be shaken may remain." Hebrews 12: 26-27

Mrs Smith goes on to explain:

'It may seem to those who do not understand the deepest ways of love that neither trials not hardness could ever come into the lives of God's children. But if we look deeply into the matter, we will see that often love itself must bring the hardness. "The Lord disciplines those He loves, and He punishes everyone he accepts as a son." (Hebrews 12: 6)
       If love sees those it loves going wrong, it must, because of this very love do what it can to save them; and the love that fails to do this is only selfishness. Therefore, the God of love, when He sees his children resting their souls on things that can be shaken, must necessarily remove those things from their lives in order that they may be driven to rest only on the things that cannot be shaken; and this process of removing is sometimes very hard.'

God has been shaking me these past years. I can see that now. And this shaking process is hard. Very hard.

Years ago, decades ago, God spoke to me about my life and I feel, gave me certain promises certain dreams. I got very excited, and things seemed to progress at one point. But instead of those wonderful promises it feels as though He has slowly dismantled me. Taken me apart, piece by piece. I have been tested, and tried and broken.

But now, at last, I feel I am growing to know Him better. He had to dismantle me, to shake me, to get rid of the rubbish.

'Clear away the clutter ... ' one word said to me, 'then you'll soar like a jet.'

'The crux of the matter is you have to learn to stop relying on your own strength.'

Now I feel He is slowly putting the building blocks in place.

We are about to embark on major home renovations here, to give my four children their own bedrooms for the first time ever. It's a stretch in every way: time, health, strength, finances. But we're getting rid of so much we no longer need or use. And it's paving the way for a better, clutter free future, where we can really start to enjoy our home and I can start to move forward in the calling upon my life.

Gosh, if anyone had ever said how hard this Christian lark would be, I'd have said, no thank you, you can keep that! But I know it'll be worth it. Like at home in the work we're doing: you have to tear down to rebuild. At least now I understand that the tearing down has been done out of love, so I can rely on Him, not on me, for what is ahead. I'm believing that in faith. I'm walking forward in faith. I believe, in faith that He loves Me. And I finally understand that I can accomplish NOTHING without Him.

He is my rock, my life, my all. And in that surrender all that He is comes flooding through.

May you know His strength, His love in your lives, and may the clutter be removed so you can soar. Be blessed : )

Holiday and Stonehenge

As promised a post post-holiday : )

We went to Cornwall for a week. A beautiful place, lots to do, gorgeous beaches. The kids rated it 10/10, 10/10, 9/10 and 7/10 (the lowest score was from my 14 year old mildly autistic son who hates going anywhere, so actually a very high score indeed!).

On the way there and back we saw Stonehenge!

 

During the week we went to the beach (where the youngest two tried body-boarding and thoroughly enjoyed it), we went on a speedboat trip around the Padstow / Camel Estuary, we did go-karting, swimming, laser tag (awesome fun, hiding in grass waiting to get shot in the head by my husband or a random teenage boy, all of whom took it very seriously - but my team won anyway - hurrah!), my youngest went horse riding with her Dad, and my eldest had a facial and massage. And my least favourite, but possibly most important activity was Adrenalin Quarry, where we all did the second longest zip wire in the UK. It's 450m long, jumping off a cliff. And I hate heights.

Yes, it is as long and as scary as it looks : o

I felt, after such a long and hard fought battle with fear throughout my illness it was really important that I don't allow fear to hold me back in any way. We had to queue for about 20 minutes, all the while staring at the long drop, then when you're in your harness you have to stand on the cliff edge for several minutes until it's time to go - literally staring into the abyss! But I felt God remind me of a quote I'd been given by a friend some time ago:

"The steps of faith fall on the seeming void, and find the rock beneath"
                                                                         John Greenleaf Whittier - My Soul and I

I did the jump with my youngest son, who again hates new things and gets anxious, but was willing to give it a go (all the family did it in pairs), and do you know what, I screamed all the way down, but with exhiliration, not fear! I actually enjoyed it!! And it is a memory of spending time with my son on that long way down (he really encouraged me) that I will treasure forever.

I was so pleased and had consciously left behind all fear and the past behind me at the top, ready to move forward.

I didn't move forward quite as fast as I'd hoped. First my eldest, who is such a daredevil and loved jumping off a cliff had a minor fear meltdown at go-karting, so I spent time with her praying and encouraged her to give it another go, to not let fear win, which she did and was much happier afterwards. Then I started to feel unwell that evening, couldn't sleep when I went to bed and got up around 1 a.m. with a serious sickness bug. I was up all night. By the end I was so exhausted that I was almost asleep on the loo. But my biggest issue was why? Why, when we'd been so looking forward to holiday and time with the children, and the very much needed time off, would God allow me to be so ill and also let fear/ the devil attack?

I was stuck indoors for two days unable to go out (my husband bravely soldiered on, my eldest was also a little ill the next day too but quickly recovered thankfully), and I have been feeling a bit unwell, a little 'viral' ever since on and off. But it drove me back to God. Admittedly with my many questions: Why would you let me get ill, especially on holiday? It made me question all the breakages we'd had lately: air conditioning in our new van, our satellite TV box broke, our mower (a main piece of machinery in our work and we've been without it for nearly 2 months now, during peak mowing season) our small car acting up and then on holiday, of all places BOTH cameras broke! (Hence the lack of photos from holiday, we have some on our phones but have yet to upload them).

BUT: the illness gave me an opportunity to face my fear of being sick. My eldest son who hates new places and busy-ness got to stay home with me for a day and watch DVDs together and that helped him unwind and enjoy holiday more. I actually got some rest for a change. I lost some weight - not the best weight loss plan, but still worked - and as my appetite for junk food stays at bay now I'm feeling a little lighter and healthier. I got to spend time with the Lord. And I actually got to hear a little from Him too. And He gave me the energy I needed to work three long hot, hard days this week - amazing considering how I'd felt! I should also add that He has given us enough work so that we're booked almost until Christmas now, which is amazing - thank you Lord!

Was it part back-lash from confronting fear? Maybe. But I know my God is bigger than that. I think in all honesty I'd given the devil room to move in my life through over-work, not spending time with God (putting Him first) and then eating too much rubbishy food in the evenings - not feeding my body proper nutrition (I'd particularly over-indulged in cakes, sweets and chocolate that evening).

I have felt God really encourage me to make right decisions on an ongoing basis. Whether this is what I eat, how I spend my time, making time for family and God, or not over-working.

"In order to reap 'right' results in life, you have to do right when you do not feel like it ... We should look to the future, determine what we want to see happen, and then discipline ourselves in order that we may ahve it ...If you discipline yourself now, you can trust that He'll bring you great reward (see Hebrews 12:11"

He has also spoken to me of the great future He has planned for me and my family:

"Whatever you go through God will always be with us .... No matter what you are facing right now, God has a great life planned for you. It includes prosperity and progress in every area of life. It includes great peace, unspeakable joy, and every good thing you can imagine ... Be strong and courageous and never give up, and you will have everything He wants you to have in life."

(All quotes above from Trusting God Day by Day devotional by Joyce Meyer).

We are about to embark on huge renovation work here, involving great financial outlay, time off work and less income. We have huge costs coming up: car repairs, mower repairs, decorating costs after the building work and new furniture, a bus pass for my daughter to get to college (£560!!), a holiday next year, etc. I am believing for so many things, such as a new camera (I love photography and love documenting our lives), certain things for Christmas, (some necessary, some not), a new smaller car somehow, and great forward movement in the calling on my life, the state of our home, more quality time with the family and great movement forward in our finances which need the next move of the Lord.

God's answers:

"Is anything too difficult for the Lord?" Genesis 18:14

"Do not fear, only believe." Mark 5: 36

So holiday was not all we hoped it would be, but the kids had an awesome time, and maybe, in the long run, for us adults it will be more, because of the wisdom we have gained from it.

I pray that all who read this may know God's peace in their lives and His rest, as well as His blessings. We're off out now. It's a gorgeous sunny afternoon, and we're going to take the dog for a walk along a river, and perhaps do a little wading ourselves. At last, some quality family time!

As ever, be blessed : )